I had a nice coffee "date" today. Dating is weird, obviously. You now have this preliminary date, much like Greg's "pre-meeting" with Michelle Pantsil, during which you gauge your interest in actually going out on a date. I don't know, I try not to dwell on it too much anymore. It can feel like a job interview sometimes (one was actually going on a few tables away) but if, after the first few minutes of awkwardness (reminder: this is basically someone you know very little about) things start to feel more organic, a well-timed comment is met with a smile or a shared interest is discovered, it can be pleasant.
Today's chat went on for almost two hours. It probably sounds like a long time, but if there is one thing I am able to do, it is hold a conversation. What will happen next is TBD. I'm so unaccustomed to the idea of anyone finding me attractive or desirable (my intellect and humor are usually not the problem) that it is hard for me to contemplate sexual intimacy. I think I have had sex maybe three or four times in the last three years and those were in a small cluster of time. I am sure I project some of that insecurity out (which probably creates its own vicious cycle - I'm insecure, it's picked up on, making me less appealing, which feeds the insecurity ...) but it is not an easy thing to hand wave. Oh well, here's hoping this time is different ...
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I don't think you should over-think your appeal to your date. If I've learned anything in my life, it's that you have to be true to yourself. Of course you're presentable, courteous, and respectful, but trying to parse what others might be thinking of you just drives you bonkers, plus it doesn't really do you any good.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you're better than I am at gauging people, but I've found that guessing what criteria people are using to assess you is an endless maze of chasing signs and clues that can sometimes lead to nowhere. Just be comfortable and have a good time, and if they can't appreciate that, than move on to the next deserving person :)