There is a saying in recovery that when you focus on what you want, you are focusing on what you do not have. It is used as a reminder to be thankful for the things you have, not the things you do not. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want and do not have - a partner, a lady friend, a girlfriend, a significant other - whatever you want to label it, and how empty I feel without a person in my life.
It has been almost six years since I last had a meaningful relationship and it has really worn on me. So much of my day-to-day life, my decision making, my thought process, is informed by this simple, but crippling fact. It feeds into my low self-esteem like a blinking red light flashing WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? It makes me feel like shit about myself and also deepens the loneliness I feel. And any time someone enters (and then exits) my life, it makes me even more discouraged that I will ever find happiness. It is really awful.
Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy
No comments:
Post a Comment