September 23

My daily schedule is so messed up now. I typically finish working out by 9 am, eat lunch at like 10:30 and have dinner at 4. It's like I'm already retired and living in South Florida.

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September 21

I have slept really well the last week or so. It really does affect the rest of your day. I had fallen into this bad zone in late August/early September of being up between 4 and 4:30 am, no idea why, but now that the weather has cooled and the house is, dare I say a bit chilly at night, I fall asleep in no time around 9:30 and sleep all the way through to 5:30 (or later). It is really nice.

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September 20

I really should have quit following politics in 2000. The presidency was stolen in broad daylight and we all just moved on. But now, I really am ready to call it a day. They won. They stole it all. They've looted the treasury, redistributed the wealth, deregulated all the industries, and are now securing the courts for probably the rest of my life. So sure, I will vote for Biden and hope Democrats take both houses of Congress, but they won't do anything with it. They won't use raw power because they're expected to compromise, to reach out, to trim their sails in order to be reasonable. So, nothing will happen, Republicans will obstruct and block even modest reforms and hey, if they pass, they'll just get bottled up in courts now ugly with 30 and 40something Federalist Society judges who are anti every right known to man except gun rights. This is the country we live in now, this is the country we will live in for the foreseeable future. 

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September 19

 It's hard not to be despondent right now. Ginsburg died yesterday and Trump is already scheming to fill her seat even before she's put in the ground. McConnell, hypocrite 'til the end, will push through whoever Trump nominates, locking in a 6-3 majority for the foreseeable future. The pandemic continues apace. It is just really dark right now.

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September 18

 I've been busy and not able to post a daily update. This morning, I woke up at about 3:30 and had trouble falling back asleep. I got up about 5:30 and was out the door by about a quarter to 7 for groceries. I came home, whipped up 5 days worth of spaghetti and meat sauce and then spent the day working on a brief.

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September 16

Man, I slept *really* well last night. It was glorious. Windows open, nice cool breeze, I slept past 5 am for the first time in, I am guessing, three weeks? We're in this nice pocket of time where the nights are cool but not cold and it really helps.

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September 15

Getting a filling at the dentist this afternoon <upside down smiley face> ugh, just why? It's not even a new cavity, I take good care of my teeth, just a super old filling (like from when I was a kid) that is finally giving out. 

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September 14

I am almost illogically excited for cooler weather this week. I don't know, I guess it's because this summer was so hot and I spent so much of it anxious over my HVAC and being indoors all the time, but open windows, walks in the neighborhood a ~ crispness ~ in the air all sound great even if we are still living through a pandemic.

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September 13

Had a busy day today. The weather is just starting to turn cooler (next weekend is supposed to be in the high 60s!) so I swapped out some sheets. I worked out. I took a nap. My anxiety was (mostly) under control. Football started. Small victories.

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September 12

I read an article on The Washington Post website about how COVID has messed with our sense of time. Days no longer exist, it is all just "Blursday." Today, I was up at 4:30, had breakfast, took care of the cats, ran a half mile, did a Body Pump workout, had lunch at 10:45, sat in on a 2 hour moot court for a co worker, and am now typing this at 2:21 PM. It is true though this is Saturday, it could also be Tuesday. Like, all the days are the same blend of personal and professional all blended into an existence that occurs almost exclusively within the four walls of my house. Very isolating. 

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September 11

 Never forget ... 

The Supreme Court stopped a state's vote recount and handed the presidency to George W. Bush.

Richard Clarke told Condoleezza Rice that Al-Qaeda would be one of the biggest challenges Bush's Administration would face.

A month before 9/11, Bush got a briefing about Al-Qaeda's desire to execute a terrorist attack on U.S. soil. W's response? "You've covered your ass."

After 9/11

Instead of asking Americans to sacrifice for the cause of the nation, Bush told us to visit Disney World.

Bin Laden got away.

Bush lied us into Iraq. A war that is still technically going on almost 18 years later and at a cost of more than $2 trillion (not to mention the nearly 5,000 dead American soldiers).

The Taliban was never defeated.

Bush is now some pater familias who lives a comfortable retirement and spends his time painting water colors.

His propagandists while in office (people like Steve Schmidt and Nicolle Wallace) are now members in good standing with the mainstream media or paint-by-numbers right wing Trump apologists (Ari Fleischer).

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September 9

Busy day at "work" and I am not in a good mood. I would rant and rave but I am honestly too tired.

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September 8

I skipped yesterday, oops. It's now the Tuesday after Labor Day and the ~ rhythms of fall ~ are nowhere to be found. No kids waiting for the school bus, no parents standing proudly next to them, no smell of diesel exhaust wafting in the air. It is weird. 

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September 6

I am on a three-days-on-one-day-off workout routine right now and today is an off day, so I am going to basically sit around and watch TV all day. 

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September 5

I went into work for a few hours this morning. It actually felt good to be out of the house and at my desk, getting things done. I came home and worked out, had a nice big bowl of pasta for lunch and am going to take a nap.

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September 4

I do not want to compare quarantining, or whatever it is you want to call spending five plus months largely at home as being like solitary confinement, BUT, it does share some similarities. On the face of it, the idea you could spend all your time in your comfortable home, have the material comfort and job security that you are not stressed about the mortgage or your bills, sounds lovely. But when you live it - or at least as *I* live it, is draining me mentally. Maybe it's in part because I don't have close family or friends to talk to (the crumbs of conversation are usually work related aside from an occasional quick chit chat) and I do go out of the house unless I have to (not even sitting in the backyard). The monotony of it, the fear of choosing the wrong time to go to the wrong place and running into the wrong person who has COVID and somehow getting infected informs every decision I make even as I long for even a modicum of attention (much less affection).

Lately, I have been struggling just to get through this summer - it has been hot and I have been stressed about the HVAC (which is getting a tune up next week) and just being ... uncomfortable in my own home. But yesterday I was thinking about what *winter* will be like. To be sure, I have the gas fireplace which is a main source of heat (allowing me to run the central heat less) but being in the house every day in winter just does not seem (or sound) ideal. It has a very The Shining vibe to it. I don't know, maybe it's never going to be back to "normal" until a vaccine arrives. 

In the meantime, I do understand the desire to tempt fate. I would *really* like to go out on a date or two, or just see another living human being for more than 5 minutes. Knowing my luck, I would do it, catch COVID and drop dead.

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September 3

I have been sleeping like absolute shit lately. Like, the last three nights I've woken up between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning and have been unable to get back to sleep. It's so annoying and just fucks with my whole day because then I get super tired in the afternoon and nap and then I have trouble falling asleep even though I am then waking up in the middle of the night and the cycle starts anew ... 

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September 2

Today, I went to the dentist for an overdue cleaning (it was originally scheduled for April but the office shut down b/c of COVID and then, after it reopened, I dragged my feet). It was fine. The hygienist was very mindful of limiting splash and stuff squirting out of my mouth (she was wearing a mask, a face guard and PPE). I do have to get a filling redone, but I got like 40 years out of it, so decent return on investment.

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September 1

There is a dating site I use that makes me feel bad about myself and yet, I continue renewing my membership on it b/c *some* attention, even from women I know are not right for me, feels better (in the moment) than being alone. 

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