Sunday, December 24, 2023

Ten Years Later, True Detective Hits Different

When True Detective premiered in January 2014, it was a simpler time. Obama was President, Trump had not yet infected the body politic, and we were still in the so-called Golden Age of television, filled with thought-provoking prestige dramas. True D would get added to that list quickly. Its story telling, across multiple timelines, with two charismatic lead actors (Woody Harrelson as Martin Hart and Matthew McConaughey as Rustin Cole), and a mysterious whodunit (What was Carcosa? Who was the Yellow King?) was the kind of cultural catnip that launched a thousand think pieces (and more than a few memes). Ultimately, the show collected a boat load of awards and spawned two sequels (neither of which reached the narrative level or became part of the cultural zeitgeist of the original) with a third on the way.

At the time, I was in my early-40s, recently divorced and doing some of the best work of my professional life. In other words, it still felt like I had the world by the balls and better days were ahead. As the season unfolded, I found the later episodes the least interesting, thought they dragged a little, and was "meh" about the ending. The eye candy of the early episodes - Rust's interrogation room monologues on the meaning of life, the famous eight-minute tracking scene, the representation of Bayou culture, and the lush cinematography - drew me in. What I missed, like Rust and Marty ignoring the landscaper on the riding mower who turned out to be the killer, was a show telling a much different story.

Yesterday, I stumbled across a True D Season One marathon on HBO, and my experience was completely different than it had been 10 years ago. Obviously, the biggest difference was knowing "whodunit" but more than that, those later episodes, in the "present" timeline of 2012, felt much more relatable as a lonely man in his mid-50s whose career is in a cul de sac he cannot escape. During Marty's interview with Detectives Gilbough and Papania, he recounts the detective's curse, "the solution was right under my nose, but I was focused on the wrong clues." Initially, he points it out as a reason why the case was not solved faster, but later on, he applies it to his personal life too. Marty realized - too late - that having a wife and family was what he should have focused on, but instead, he was too busy carousing, boozing, and having affairs. 

It was a moment of introspection that I probably missed the first time around, but at this stage in my life, it resonated. Not because I wish I was still married, but more so about the emotion that dominates so much of my daily life: regret. Marty and Rust had everything going for them: they cracked a major case, each brought his own talents to their partnership, and they were both thriving. And yet, happiness eluded each of them. Their obsessive natures were their undoing. Rust refused to bend to authority (relatable) and Marty could only stay faithful for so long before he strayed (again). And so, Rust spends his days tending bar and getting drunk, completely isolated from anyone or anything. Marty eats frozen dinners after coming home from his dreary job as a private investigator. Neither man has any friends to speak of or healthy relationships. 

Even the primary critique of the first season - its treatment of women - carried less resonance for me. Far from being a celebration of men, Marty and Rust stand as cautionary tales of "focusing on the wrong clues" in life. In comparison, the female characters exercise far greater agency and independence than it might have seemed on first viewing. Marty's wife Maggie (Michelle Monaghan) is a no-BS partner who eventually kicks Marty to the curb but not before exacting a deep level of revenge against him by sleeping with Rust, blowing up their partnership to boot. Maggie only learns of Marty's initial infidelity because Lisa, (Alexandra Daddario) the woman Marty was having an affair with, tells her about it. And Lisa only does this because Marty reveals himself to be a jealous, unstable, jerk and instead of tolerating him, she takes back possession of her own life by ceasing to allow Marty to control it. In other words, these women are not doormats who allow men to walk all over them. Ultimately, Maggie remarries, lives in a beautifully-appointed home, and maintains a good relationship with her two daughters, whereas Marty lives alone, eats dinner by himself in front of the TV, and has not talked to his kids in years.

And so, when watching the show yesterday, the things that I had found so addictive when it first aired seemed much less interesting. Rust's musings about time being a flat circle felt more like college dorm room claptrap and the narrative seams were more obvious. Instead, I watched it through the eyes of someone who knows what it is for life not to turn out the way they had hoped. To live with regrets of decisions I have made, the authority figures who I did not bend to, and the consequences of those decisions. 

Wednesday, December 20, 2023

A Fool Proof Way To Get Someone To Stop DMing You

Just suggest you meet in person. Works like a charm every time. And while this is generally true on the dating apps, it works just as well in other contexts. To wit, after my ex-wife died, one of her nieces (the one my ex accused me of sleeping with!) reached out on Facebook to check in. After a little DM back and forth she was like "would love to catch up sometime" and, well, reader, I was admittedly ambivalent about the idea (one of my least favorite conversations is "remember when?") and figured it was just polite social contract chit chat, but just to prove the point, I was like "here's my number if you want to grab coffee or lunch sometime." And then ... crickets. Makes life so much easier when you realize people don't actually want to see you in person, they just want the illusion of it.  

Friday, December 15, 2023

Important Office Episodes: Business School (S3E17)

When Michael leaves Scranton for Colorado, the last person he says goodbye to is Pam. Theirs is a tearful embrace packed with the kind of emotional punch that only comes about when two people are closely bonded. Of course, it was not always so. In the show’s very first episode, Michael “fake fires” Pam, a particularly cruel prank that leaves her in tears. In those early days, Pam was meek and a bit of a wallflower; Michael was an obnoxious bully who often made derogatory (and sometimes sexist) comments toward Pam while she rolled her eyes behind his back and engaged in subtle forms of retaliation like pilfering his Threat Level Midnight script. That the two would become close friends seemed unlikely at best.

And yet, as the show unfolded and the characters developed, that is precisely what happened. A nice example of their nascent friendship occurred in Season Three’s Grief Counseling. Michael, despondent over the death of Ed Truck, his predecessor as regional manager, gets no comfort from his subordinates. But when a bird dies and an impromptu funeral is held for it, Pam gives a eulogy clearly directed at Michael and the sadness he feels. That season is one of evolution for both Michael and Pam. The branch narrowly avoids the chopping block and gives Michael the chance to prove he can manage a larger group of people while he starts a public relationship with Jan. Pam, having called off her wedding to Roy, is starting to come out of her shell (a bit), most particularly by signing up for a painting class (something Roy had dissuaded her from doing when they were engaged). While each was making halting steps toward a better, and more confident future, their path was still wet cement – three of the Stamford transfers left having seen Michael’s version of management and Pam, in a moment of weakness at Phyllis and Bob’s wedding, rekindled her relationship with Roy. A lot hung in the balance, which is why the season’s seventeenth episode, Business School, stands out as a critical one in the development of each character and their relationship to one another.

The set-up is straight-forward. Michael thinks he is being honored in one of Ryan’s business school classes when in fact Ryan invited him solely because doing so bumped him up a letter grade. Pam has invited the office to an art show featuring her and her classmates’ work. They each expect support and admiration, and instead, get the opposite. The students in Ryan’s class look puzzled at first by Michael’s off-the-wall presentation and then turn openly hostile when he gives what they think are non-sensical answers to their questions about the paper business. At the art exhibit Pam stands quietly by her display, her lone visitor being a little old lady who quickly wanders off. When Roy shows up (with his brother in tow, of course) and Pam could use a confidence boost, it is nowhere to be found. Instead, Roy is focused on himself and wants credit for being the only person from the office who showed up. When he and his brother leave after giving her paintings a cursory look, he again fails to read the situation, limply calling Pam’s art “the prettiest art of all the art” but being more concerned with whether she will stop by his place after the exhibit ends.

Meanwhile, Michael learns that Ryan has told his classmates that Dunder Mifflin is not competitive and will likely go out of business in the next 5 to 10 years. Instead of being discouraged like Pam, Michael lashes out, dissing the students as young and ignorant as he storms out of the lecture hall. Ryan’s observation cuts Michael in several ways. First, it comes from Ryan, who Michael views as a mentee and whose approval he desperately craves. Second, it plays into Michael’s insecurity over having never gone to college and being lectured to by a bunch of students. Finally, it calls into question Dunder Mifflin’s business strategy, which is an indirect insult to Michael.

Pam is faring no better. With Roy gone, she is excited to see Oscar and Gil (who do not notice she is behind them as they look at her work). While she expects them to say nice things, instead they dismiss her paintings as “motel art” and agree that she lacks the courage and honesty to be a great artist. She sags visibly, her self-confidence deflated. 

Had the episode ended on these dual notes, each character might have gone in a different – and darker – direction. Michael would have had to accept that Dunder Mifflin might not be able to compete with the big chain paper stores and he would not only lose his job, but people he considered a surrogate family. Pam could have easily decided that she was a failure and stopped painting. But that did not happen. Michael showed up to Pam’s exhibit just as she was taking down her work. Instead of dismissing her lack of talent as Oscar did or barely looking at her work like Roy, Michael takes a genuine interest in her paintings. He quickly zeroes in on Pam’s representation of the Scranton Office Park building, noticing the fine details like the cars parked in the lot and the location of his office window. When he asks her how much it would cost to buy it, she is surprised, but to Michael, the building represents who he is, it defines him as a person – “that is our building, and we sell paper” – he reminds her, so of course he needs to put it in the office. But more importantly, Michael tells Pam that he is proud of her. Her eyes well up with tears and she give Michael a big hug. It is in that moment (I’m ignoring the clumsy “Chunky” joke that kills the mood) that their friendship was fully cemented. Michael stayed true to his belief in his employees, that his job as their manager was to inspire them, that business is about people, and people will never go out of business. For Pam, receiving validation from Michael meant the world to her and confirmed that she was on the right track.

The ripple effect from that one scene was significant. With Ryan elevated to Jan’s job in Season Four, he attempted to implement many of the changes he thought Dunder Mifflin needed, in particular, the launch of a website so customers could buy paper online as opposed to working with a salesperson. Michael stood firm in his belief that customer service was the way to maintain the company’s viability against bigger competitors. In the end, Michael was proven right. Ryan’s website was a flop while the Scranton branch went from being at risk of closing to the most profitable office within the company. David Wallace would ask Michael to do a lecture circuit of the other branches to discuss his business tactics and when the company went bankrupt and was acquired by Sabre, the Scranton branch was singled out as one of the few bright spots.

For Pam, Michael’s support helped her be more open with people and stand up for herself. When Roy freaked out after she told him that she and Jim had kissed at casino night, Pam ended things with him once and for all. At the office’s beach day, she did a fire walk, called out her co-workers for skipping her exhibit, and told Jim she canceled her wedding to Roy because of him. Instead of giving up painting, she continued working at her craft, ultimately receiving commissions to paint two murals – one from the city of Scranton and the other from Nellie for the office warehouse.

And while Business School gave each character a shot in the arm individually, it also solidified their friendship. As the show unfolded, each would be there for the other time and again. Whether it was Pam joining the Michael Scott Paper Company or Michael choosing Pam to take the one new sales job when they both returned, the two of them touring the other branches in Season Five and being there for one another when each sought closure, or staying up all night to work on Michael’s alternative advertisement for Dunder Mifflin, their connection deepened, culminating in their emotional farewell. And that painting Michael swooned over? It would hang in a place of honor until the series ended and Pam plucked it off the wall to take with her to Austin, a reminder of who she could be and for Michael, a reminder of who he was.

2023 Year In Books

1. Writing of the Gods, Edward Dolnick

2. American Midnight, Adam Hoschild

3. Yours Truly, James Hagerty

4. Sweet Land of Liberty, Rossi Anastopoulo 

5. Mudlark, Laura Maiklem

6. Oscar Wars, Michael Schulman 

7. Trust the Plan, Will Sommer

8. When Shea Was Home, Brett Toppel

9. Banned Books, DK Publishing 

10. Black Death at the Golden Gate, David Randall

11. The Wager, David Grann

12. Saying It Loud, Mark Whitaker 

13. STFU, The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut in an Endlessly Noisy World, Dan Lyons

14. The Peacemaker, William Inboden

15. When The News Broke, Heather Hendershot

16. The Sewing Girl’s Tale, John Wood Sweet

17. Why We Did It, Tim Miller

18. Ringmaster, Abraham Riesman

20. Homegrown, Jeffrey Toobin

21. The Book of the Dead, John Lloyd

22. The Thursday Murder Club, Richard Osman

23. Opposable Thumbs, Mike Singer

24. The Big Time, Michael MacCambridge


Monday, December 11, 2023

The Cruel Tease of Being a Jets Fan

When the Jets traded for Aaron Rodgers, it is fair to say Jets fans expected games like yesterday's 30-6 win over the Houston Texans. The quarterback threw for 300 yards, the running game was good enough to keep the aggressive Texans defense off balance, and the Jets defense smothered first-year quarterback (and expected rookie of the year) C.J. Stroud, harassing him into barely more than 100 yards passing before knocking him out of the game in the fourth quarter. It was as complete a victory as the Jets have had this year and yet it was a perfect example of what makes this team uniquely frustrating because it was back-up Zach Wilson who was under center, not Rodgers, and the win itself just served to keep the faintest glimmer of playoff hopes alive for a team that has been historically inept on offense all year as the possibility (no matter how remote) of Rodgers's return dangles in front of a fan base who has had their hopes dashed more than Charlie Brown when Lucy pulls away the football at the last second. 

Of course, this cruel tease may be short-lived. The Jets fly to Miami to play the Dolphins next weekend, a team they lost to on Black Friday by three touchdowns but what if they somehow find a way to win? After all, the defense has held quarterbacks to an average of just 170 yards a game and that loss occurred with Tim Boyle (since cut) at quarterback and a fluke play (a pick six to end the first half). It would be very on brand for the Jets to tease its fan base in this way, claw their way to 6-8 and then let sports talk radio go all in on SHOULD AARON RODGERS COME BACK THIS SEASON and if he does, immediately get injured again. This is the Jets, after all. 

Saturday, December 9, 2023

The Dodgers Overpaid For Ohtani

Shohei Ohtani announced he is signing a 10-year, $700 million contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers. While the top line number may be eye popping, considering Ohtani's unique ability to pitch, hit, and field, if you squint you can justify it. 

A top of the rotation pitcher costs between $30 million and $43 million a year and a .300 hitter who can hit with power can get paid about that much too. Effectively, Ohtani is two All-Star level talents in one player, but the problem with signing him to a deal of this length (and cost) is that he's now had two major elbow surgeries (in case you were wondering, a functioning elbow is important in hitting but REALLY important in pitching). If Ohtani can't pitch or is not the pitcher he once was because of his previous injuries, this starts looking like a not-so-great contract. Moreover, it pays him $70 million a year until he is 39 years old, an age where player performance notably declines (just ask the Angels how their contract with Albert Pujols worked out). Finally, the Dodgers don't lack for hitting, it's pitching that they need but the money they just gave Ohtani further hamstrings their ability to bolster their starting rotation.

Yes, it's a splashy signing and yes if you are going to pay someone this kind of money, a guy who has Cy Young level pitching talent and Triple Crown level hitting talent is the logical choice. But given Ohtani's injury history, baseball's luxury taxes, the Dodgers' other needs, and the vagaries of the post-season, this looks like a classic case of overpaying. 

Friday, December 8, 2023

Ding Dong The Wicked Witch Is DEAD

A few days ago, I was at work and an email popped up in my inbox. It was from the priest who co-officiated my wedding long ago and who I had not spoken to in some time. It was one of those vague "call me" messages without any context. I assumed he wanted something (the only reason this guy ever got in touch previously) so I, reluctantly, called, figuring I would just get it over with. Instead, and to my surprise, he gave me the best news I had heard in a very long time: my ex-wife died. 

Now I know, it may seem like poor form to celebrate someone's death, but allow me to play a few of the greatest hits from my marriage to a true "see you next Tuesday"

  • She was an alcoholic who spent most (all?) of our marriage in a drunken stupor. This made socializing with other people almost impossible because my ex-wife was a mean drunk who literally could not behave in public when she was bombed (which was almost all the time). 
  • Her alcoholism also made any long-term financial planning almost impossible because she routinely drove drunk, went to work drunk, and one never knew when she might injure herself or others while behind the wheel, not just creating medical risk, but financial risk too. And lest you think I am being hyperbolic, she was drunk driving alone one night, hit another car, fled the scene, and when I got home from work, there was a police cruiser in my driveway. Of course, by the time the police got the call from the motorist she hit, ran my ex's plate and got to our house, she got the smell of booze off her and being middle class white people in the suburbs, the cop did not even think to ask if she had been drinking. 
  • But, you might ask, did you ever ask her to get help? Of course. Many times. Her reaction was either to deny she had a problem or, more typically, blame me for her drinking. See, *I* was the reason she drank, she had no responsibility whatsoever (that's sarcasm).
  • She accused me of sleeping with her then 19-year-old niece because her niece committed the unpardonable sin of <checks notes> asking me for advice with a problem she was having instead of asking my then-wife. 
  • She was unemployed for more than three years. Why, you ask? She didn't feel like working even though I lost my job at one point while she was not working so we were both unemployed. She didn't even bother applying for unemployment. When I would ask her to look for work, she responded that because I had gone to law school and didn't work (except for summers) while I was in school, this was like being in law school for her. Yes, gentle reader, she compared getting a law degree to sitting on a couch watching TV for three years while being half in the bag.
  • She constantly belittled me in front of her own family and mine because she was mad I did not want to work at a big law firm. And while she constantly complained I didn't make enough money, when we divorced, she unsurprisingly was happy to take all that money. 
  • When we were 'trying' (half-heartedly) to conceive a child, she claimed her inability to get pregnant was due to - wait for it - my having smoked pot when I was a teenager, not her being overweight, an alcoholic, or a smoker. Of course, when I had my semen analyzed, the OB-GYN told her my sample was one of the most fertile (and motile) she had ever processed. Talk of children ended shortly thereafter.
  • She dragged out our divorce for months, refusing to move out of the house (which I decided to stay in and refinance the mortgage) and making life miserable for almost six months.
  • She badmouthed me to her family and mine after we split up while I kept my mouth shut. Reader, being the bigger person was not an easy thing to do, but I did it, even though I could have aired all of the above (and more). 
I could go on, but I have no guilt about celebrating her death. I am THRILLED she is dead. She was an emotionally abusive person who made my life miserable for almost 20 years. The psychological damage she inflicted will never heal and the financial hit I took paying her out in the divorce cost me almost $200,000. She is one of the meanest, ugliest (in the personality sense) people I have ever known and I was SO HAPPY to hear her last years were difficult - that she had health problems, that she died alone and no one even knew she was dead for two days, that she never got help for her drinking - all of the things I *knew* would happen, that her life would be a pathetic little jumble, came true. Her obituary is depressing in how little could be said about her time on Earth. Yes, there is satisfaction in being vindicated in your assessment of another person's awfulness, especially one who was so classless, so lacking in any redeeming qualities, and took ZERO responsibility for her actions. I am happy you are dead, you miserable, evil woman. 

Saturday, December 2, 2023

Important Office Episodes: The Client (S2E7)

It is well-known that one of, if not the most important reason The Office survived for nine seasons and 200 episodes was Greg Daniels’s realization after Season One that Michael Scott needed a personality overhaul. In the truncated first season, Michael was a petty, mean bully, insecure, incompetent, and also seemed a little racist and a bit of a pervert. In other words, not the kind of lead character an audience would watch year after year. The makeover started subtly in Season Two. The employees rallying to Michael’s defense when a patron mocked him during The Dundies, his panic attack at signing the closing papers that will make him a homeowner in Office Olympics followed by Jim’s awarding of a gold medal to him for going through with the deal were modest tweaks showing Michael’s relationship with his co-workers was friendlier than initially shown and also revealed Michael’s vulnerability.


But The Client is when things kicked into overdrive. The premise is straight forward. Michael and Jan have a meeting with a representative from Lackawanna County named Christian. As Jim explains in a talking head, if Michael and Jan can get Christian to agree to make Dunder Mifflin the county’s paper supplier, it will decrease the chances the Scranton branch will be shut down. While the objective is simple, it is clear Jan and Michael view the meeting much differently. Jan wants it to be rigid and formal, held at a hotel, taking no longer than an hour, and with her doing all the talking. Michael wants the meeting to be informal, so he changes the meeting location from a hotel to a restaurant (Chilis), expects it to take a few hours, and wants equal time in the conversation, even suggesting the duo choose a signal in case the other gets in trouble (which Jan balks at).


Once Michael and Jan arrive at Chilis and the three are seated, Jan gets right down to business, barely wasting time on pleasantries before blurting out “what’s the bottom line” when asking Christian how to win his business. Michael, seeing that Jan has no feel for how sales are done and fearing the meeting will be both short and unsuccessful, interjects, bringing the business discussion to a halt by ordering an appetizer and telling an off-color joke that Christian laughs at. From there, Michael takes over fully. Jan sees him as foolish and performative, but Michael is playing a deeper game. As the evening unfolds, we see that Michael reads people well and the jokes and sing alongs are not an act of buffoonery, but of bonding.


While Jan looks on in revulsion as Michael and Christian gnaw at baby back ribs and is ready to write off the meeting as a boozy failure, Michael’s plan comes into focus. Having kept the meeting loose and friendly, Christian does not even notice the sales pitch Michael gives him. Michael knows Christian must get a good deal and that is more likely to come from a large company that can offer lower prices, so he flips the script and points out that large companies use their leverage to undercut smaller competitors, drive them out of the market, and then raise their prices. When Christian agrees with Michael’s assessment, Michael closes perfectly, casually mentioning that he grew up in Scranton and knows its people and their needs as a way of appealing to Christian’s sense of community. After all, Christian represents the county and is likely a son of Scranton himself. Christian offers his business but needs to show that he saved the county some money. By now, Jan sees what Michael has done and her role is simply to grease the wheels in corporate to make the numbers work, which she does with a broad smile, cementing the deal.


It is a compelling pitch that would have failed had Michael not spent those hours getting to know Christian and doing everything but talk business. By closing, we, the audience, internalize an important point – Michael is very good at his job. This is critical because without that base line of competence, all of the other subsequent character polishing would be irrelevant. We would always wonder, “Why is this guy the regional manager?” A question that was asked over and over again in Season One, whether it was when Michael’s behavior triggered the need for sensitivity training or putting Dwight in charge of selecting a health plan. He always seemed to be in over his head and generally disliked by his employees. Now, having watched him win this important new client, we see that he actually knows what he is doing.


And if that was not enough, the post-closing celebration where Jan and Michael kiss in the parking lot is equally important. While the two go back to Jan’s hotel room, we learn the next morning that they did not have sex, but rather, did some PG-rated making out followed by Jan unburdening herself to Michael for five hours about her divorce. This is a huge departure for him. In the Season One finale Hot Girl he aggressively hits on Katie, a pocketbook saleswoman, and she is visibly uncomfortable with his advances. Now, with his boss a little tipsy, vulnerable because of her recent separation, and buzzing from the high of closing a big sale, he is sensitive and nurturing, not lecherous and gross. It is an important pivot point in the writers’ rebranding of Michael. Going forward, his primary motivation in his intimate relationships is understood as desiring emotional connection leading to marriage and children, not casual flings, further humanizing him as someone who might act a little goofy and inappropriate sometimes, but whose heart is in the right place.


By the end of the episode, Michael’s transformation from an incompetent boss who is creepy with women to a competent boss who treats women respectfully is fully underway; no small feat to accomplish in twenty-two minutes.


Follow me on Twitter: @scarylawyerguy

Monday, July 3, 2023

Why Is Donald Trump So Interested In Bill Clinton's Sock Drawer?

If you live on Earth 1, you are vaguely aware of something called the “Clinton Socks Case” only because Donald Trump references it as one of his shifting excuses for why the DOJ’s indictment against him is improper. If you live on Earth 2, the case is an article of faith – the trump card (sorry) if you will that will help Dear Leader avoid the hoosegow.


As a lawyer, I was like, “hmm, wonder what that case is about” because I had never heard of it. So I did some digging and here is what I found. I know, it is a fool’s errand to debunk Trump’s lies and part of his genius is throwing spaghetti against the wall to see what will stick, but if nothing else, you can use this to argue with your crazy uncle at Thanksgiving dinner.


So, first thing’s first. The formal caption for the case is Judicial Watch v. National Archives and Records Administration. It is reported at 845 F. Supp. 2d 288, but if you do not have Lexis/Nexis or Westlaw you can read it here.


What was the case about? During his time in office, Bill Clinton spoke with the author Taylor Branch from time to time to create an “oral history” of his presidency. The conversations were recorded on a total of seventy-nine tapes, excerpts of which were released in 2009 by Branch in a book called The Clinton Tapes: Wrestling History with the President. Branch claimed Clinton kept the tapes in a sock drawer, hence the shorthand name for the case.


After the book came out, Judicial Watch, which is basically a right wing advocacy group and is now run by a guy named Tom Fitton (not a lawyer) filed a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request with the Clinton Presidential Library for the tapes, arguing the tapes were records subject to the Presidential Records Act (PRA). The library denied the request, citing an exception in the PRA designating “diaries, journals or other personal notes serving as the functional equivalent of a diary or journal” as personal records that do not fall within the PRA (or FOIA). 44 U.S.C. 2201(3)(A). Judicial Watch then appealed that decision to the National Archives, which is responsible for all presidential records after a president’s term in office. The Archives noted it did not have possession of the tapes and regardless, also concluded that based on the information presented to it, the tapes “created by Taylor Branch are personal records of President Clinton as defined by the PRA.” Judicial Watch, 845 F. Supp. 2d at 293. Judicial Watch then filed a lawsuit and asked a federal judge to order the Archives to assume control of the tapes and deposit them in the Clinton Library because, according to Judicial Watch, the tapes were in fact official presidential records. The court rejected Judicial Watch’s claim and dismissed the case.


Why does Trump think this case helps him? You will be shocked to learn Trump is employing a standard trick he (and, in fairness, lawyers) uses routinely – he takes words out of context in an effort to make a point. Trump has argued that this case says that the President has total authority to declassify documents and that is what he (Trump) did, ergo, no crime was committed. And there is a kernel of truth in this statement that is entirely beside the point. Yes, in footnote 2, Judge Berman Jackson says “Under the statutory scheme established by the PRA, the decision to segregate personal materials from Presidential records is made by the President, during the President’s term and in his sole discretion.” Judicial Watch, 845 F. Supp. 2d at 295 n.2. Seems pretty persuasive except for three things. First, simply declassifying a document does not ipso facto make it a personal document. It simply means that a document that could only be handled by someone with clearance to do so can now be handled by people who do not. Second, the Clinton tapes (arguably) fell within a specific exception in the PRA, to wit, “diaries, journals or other personal notes serving as the functional equivalent of a diary or journal.” 44 U.S.C. §2201(3)(A). There is no suggestion that the documents DOJ ultimately recovered from Mar-a- Lago were of this nature and indeed, the charges against Trump refer to national defense information, another reason the classified/declassified argument is a red herring. Third, the court noted that a President cannot “designate any material he wishes as personal records” as a way of avoiding judicial review. In other words, even if Trump had declassified and designated all the documents he took as personal (which there is no indication he did, but stay with me) and the Archives sought to retrieve them, a court would have still been the final arbiter of whether the records were subject to the PRA or not. Of course, all of this is beside the point because Jack Smith charged Trump with violating the Espionage Act by improperly possessing national defense information and did not charge him with violating the PRA.


But there are still other reasons why this case does not help Trump. Most significantly, the arguments put forward by Judicial Watch itself cut against his position, not in support of it. What do I mean? Well, when it filed its complaint, Judicial Watch sought specific relief from the court. To wit, it asked the Court to issue an order directing the Archives to “assume custody and control” of the Clinton tapes. At oral argument, Judicial Watch’s attorney was asked about that. Specifically, Judge Berman Jackson asked how the Archives could collect the tapes. Judicial Watch’s attorney suggested the Archives could either “make a phone call, they could write a letter,” or, failing that, “maybe use one of these enforcement mechanisms.” Judicial Watch, 845 F. Supp. 2d at 303. Of course, the “enforcement mechanism” the attorney spoke of is one we are now all familiar with – “initiating action through the Attorney General for the recovery of records wrongfully removed …” 44 U.S.C. §2905(a).


In other words, the exact things the Archives did with Trump – sending him multiple letters and then, when he blew them off, contacting the Department of Justice to help the Archives recover the documents Trump took – are the things Judicial Watch suggested the Archives should have done in regards to the Clinton tapes! But the reason Judicial Watch did not get the relief it sought was for a basic reason any 1L would recognize (and one of the other things that make the case unhelpful for Trump): the use of the word “may” instead of “shall” in discussing the Archivist’s ability to assume custody of presidential records in the PRA. See 44 U.S.C. §2112(c)(“When the Archivist considers it to be in the public interest, he may exercise … all the functions and responsibilities otherwise vested in him pertaining to Federal records or other documentary materials in his custody or under his control.”)(emphasis added).


In the Clinton case, the Court found it was without authority to force the Archivist to do anything because “the only enforcement tools provided to the defendant under the PRA are committed to the agency’s sole discretion.” Judicial Watch, 845 F. Supp. 2d at 302. In the Trump case, the Archivist did exercise her discretion as was her right to do. Ironically, the one way Judicial Watch might have bolstered its case would have been to name Clinton as a defendant as well and claim he violated the PRA. At that point, a court might have ordered in camera review of the tapes, but this was the one time in its long history the group did not sue a person with the last name Clinton. But again, none of that is helpful to Trump because 1) there is no suggestion he designated these documents as personal; 2) the Archivist was within her rights to seek the documents he kept; and 3) DOJ got a search warrant to collect the documents after a judge agreed there was probable cause to believe several federal statutes had been violated.


TL;DR – Clinton’s tapes fell within a specific exception to the PRA deeming journals, diaries, and similar such things as personal records. The Court found that the Archivist had sole discretion to seek their retrieval and having opted not to, the Court could not force him to do so. In the Trump case, there is no indication the documents in question are personal (if anything, the public reporting shows the exact opposite), the Archivist did exercise her authority to retrieve the documents and in the Clinton case, Judicial Watch – whose boss is now counseling Trump – argued in favor of exactly the actions the Archives took in the Trump case (sending him letters seeking the return of the documents and then referring the matter to DOJ for enforcement). If Trump cites Judicial Watch in a court pleading in support of his theory that war plans, nuclear secrets, and whatever else he pilfered are somehow “his” personal records, it will not be successful.  

Saturday, June 24, 2023

Succession - Six Months Later (Kendall's Revenge)

The Bose music system came on as it always did at precisely 4:45 A.M. with the sound of calming Caribbean waves to rouse Tom Wamgsgans from his slumber. Of course, Tom had not been sleeping much lately. In fact, he had been awake for close to an hour, staring a hole in the ceiling as his mind churned over the mess his life had become and what the day ahead would bring. It had not been an easy six months for the newly-minted CEO of Waystar Royco, which was (for now) a subsidiary of the Swedish technology company GoJo, but all that was coming to an end.


While everyone was all smiles when the deal was consummated in the Waystar boardroom, fissures began to form almost immediately. Tom knew going in that GoJo’s CEO Lukas Matsson saw Tom as a mere figurehead, a front man who would smooth whatever regulatory concerns might exist but was expected to carry out Lukas’s vision for Waystar’s five divisions without complaint. And Tom, ever the good soldier, had tried to do so, but the Waystar ship had a leaky hull and Matsson’s inexperience in the U.S. market immediately made things worse. 


The deal dazzle that accompanied the signing of the agreement barely lasted a day. The Raisin, still fuming that ATN had helped nudge him out of the White House, took one last bit of revenge, directing the Securities and Exchange Commission and the Department of Justice to investigate GoJo based on its inflated subscriber numbers. Moreover, Gil Eavis, who would return to the Senate when the protracted legal battle over the election was narrowly resolved in Mencken’s favor, teed up his own investigation. Between the two, GoJo was being bombarded with subpoena requests it was ill-prepared to handle as it figured out how to replace Gerri Kellman, who had secured that eye-watering sum of money and retired to an Italian villa.


Of course, Tom’s promotion did not help. As head of ATN, his decision to call the election for Mencken put a target on his back and Matsson’s decision to elevate him in spite of that action only added to the company’s political headaches. When the Supreme Court effectively handed the presidency to Mencken when it rejected a request by the Wisconsin Secretary of State to conduct a revote due to the loss of nearly 100,000 votes in a fire whose cause was never determined, Wamgsgans was burned in effigy outside ATN’s headquarters. Weeks of nationwide protests only made things worse, and Mencken’s inaugural took place with a level of security unseen in Washington, D.C. since the Civil War. The chaos would continue as Mencken attempted all forms of executive power grabs that launched litigation in courts throughout the country amid continued unrest in the streets.


While the company was being buried in document requests, public ire was aroused further when Ebba Karlsson, GoJo’s communications director, filed a sexual harassment and workplace discrimination lawsuit against Matsson and GoJo, itemizing, in excruciating detail, Lukas’s aggressive, bizarre, and improper behavior toward her and the frat house environment he cultivated among his senior staff. She became the star witness at Eavis’s public hearing and her tale of sex, drugs, and an out-of-control CEO who was exposed as a not just a creepy stalker, but worse (in the eyes of the tech community) a wannabe who was not even a real coder, captured the public’s imagination. It was the kind of story that hit the sweet spot for news coverage, tapping into #MeToo, the public’s distrust of social media companies, and its insatiable appetite for tabloid journalism. Matsson’s complete unfamiliarity with the U.S. media landscape only added to his misery as he fired off (and then deleted) ill-advised tweets and made rambling pronouncements in interviews, before finally going radio silent behind a phalanx of high powered attorneys and an increasingly fed up Karolina, who began to wonder whether she could stomach working for another erratic leader.


The wonky crisis management response led Matsson to make another fateful choice. Seeing the blowback from ATN’s central role on election night, he followed through on his decision to change its editorial direction. The revenue-generating echo chamber that kept conservatives angry and engaged was flipped, as Lukas promised, into something more Bloomberg gray. Tom outsourced the mass firings that Lukas ordered to Greg, newly promoted to Senior Advisor to the CEO, who dutifully carried out his instructions. Viewership followed the mass migration of ATN talent to Vera News and Freedom Voice America, resulting in a ratings free fall that made ATN look like a local public access cable channel and an advertising exodus that left the news channel mortally wounded. The election night call for Mencken had turned into a poisoned chalice. Waystar could not reap the financial benefits of having been first to call the election for Mencken and Mencken, doing what he could to stanch the bleeding of his tainted presidency, distanced himself and his administration from all things GoJo, allowing the SEC and DOJ investigations to continue.


If that was not enough, after sinking tens of millions of dollars into reshoots, advertising, and CGI, Kalispatron: Hibernation premiered to widespread ridicule, little box office, and would ultimately be nominated for a dozen Razzies as the worst movie of the year. The studio was hemorrhaging money, adrift in its C-suite following Joy Palmer’s firing, and was having difficulty attracting scripts or actors because of the parent company’s support for Mencken on election night. Still more, the cruise line division continued to struggle and when Lukas pulled the plug on Waystar’s Living+ experiment, another potential source of revenue disappeared.


The final nail in the coffin happened when GoJo reported its first post-acquisition quarterly earnings. The India numbers failed to rebound and the stain from Waystar’s role in Mencken’s election caused a significant drop in U.S. subscribers. Lukas no longer had to worry about forum monkeys on Reddit, institutional investors had soured on him too. The company’s stock plunged by more than 75 percent as analysts came to realize it was suddenly dangling by a thread. GoJo had borrowed billions to acquire Waystar but the profit centers it relied on were shriveling on the vine. The company was bleeding out and some Wall Street analysts whispered about bankruptcy since no clear path existed for GoJo to pull out of its death spiral.


Laying in bed, Tom could only cringe and quietly stew over the fact that the one person who might have been able to navigate the political firestorm – his wife – had taken herself out of the public eye, spending the remaining months of her pregnancy holed up in the couple’s triplex or taking long weekends at the summer palace in the Hamptons, where the winter chill invigorated her as she prepared for motherhood. The arrival of Matthew Logan Roy Wamgsgans on Valentine’s Day was bitter irony. There was no love in Tom and Shiv’s marriage anymore, just a cold, calculated arrangement to keep up public appearances. And while Tom loved his son, the demands of his job made it impossible for him to spend meaningful time with his newborn and Shiv’s iciness just made things worse. Their marriage, such that it was, only existed on paper.


Tom arose, going through his morning routine with little energy. After nibbling on some breakfast, showering, and putting on his suit, Tom gave Mondale a quick rub on the head and walked out the door. As he made his way to the chauffeured Land Rover that toted him around Manhattan, Tom barely noticed a slight man in coveralls glide past him. And just as Tom was about to get in the car, a second man approached. “Tom Wamgsgans?” The man asked. “Yes,” Tom replied. Without missing a beat, the man reached into his jacket pocket, handed Tom an envelope and said, “you’ve just been served.” Tom was still a few hours away from being fired but Shiv was already filing for divorce. By the time Tom had processed the information, the locksmith he had brushed past was already changing the locks on the front door to the couple’s triplex. Shiv peered down from one of their floor-to-ceiling windows with a grim expression on her face.


Across Central Park, a much different morning was unfolding. Kendall Roy started his day as he had for the last six months – with ten minutes of meditation to ground him for the day ahead. While Roman had teased him as a Buddhist in Tom Ford, Kendall found comfort in eastern philosophy. It helped maintain his sobriety, which was intact save for the occasional evening Scotch, but more importantly, it helped him move past the crushing defeat he suffered at the hands of his younger sister and Waystar’s board of directors. Gone was the haunted man who had spent that fateful day staring blankly into the Hudson River.


After a day of moping, Kendall pivoted to his next plan of action. It began with a call from Stewy Houssani. His long-time friend had backed him before the board and sensed a business opportunity in all this electoral confusion. What if, Stewy asked, he could find investors to step in and support Kendall’s acquisition of Pierce? While Stewy relished a good fight, Nan Pierce had no stomach for all of the uncertainty Mencken’s election created and was looking to get out – quick. Kendall needed little convincing. Sticking to his gut instinct that Matsson would screw up the company, Ken dumped all the stock that made up half of his payout from the acquisition, walking away with just north of a billion dollars when the cash portion he also collected was added in. Thanks in no small part to his bravura public appearance at Waystar’s investors conference and the impromptu eulogy he delivered at his father’s funeral, investors were eager to back Kendall’s next venture. That, plus Stewy’s connections among hedge fund managers and the work Tellis had already done lining up investors, allowed Kendall to close on PGM just three short weeks after his ignominious departure from Waystar HQ. For good measure, he agreed to Nan’s request that Naomi stay on, albeit in a figurehead role, so the family’s name stayed on the masthead.


But keeping a Pierce name attached to his new toy would only get Kendall so far. In a political culture that monetized conflict, he needed someone steeped in the ways of Washington to be in charge of the day-to-day operations. Fortunately, Ken’s old pal Nate Soffreli was available and as keen on settling scores (for different reasons) as he was. Nate took the Jimenez/Eavis loss to Mencken particularly hard and after more than fifteen years scratching his way up the ladder as an aide in Washington, he had watched his dream of making it to the White House go up in smoke along with those Wisconsin ballots. He was looking for an exit strategy, a way to get back at the people he believed had stolen the election, and a salary orders of magnitude better than what he earned as a Capitol Hill grunt; when Ken offered to put him in charge of PGN, Nate jumped at the chance.


Kendall understood intuitively that Mencken’s contested victory was an opportunity for a news operation to be the tip of the spear in fighting back against his agenda. What would be referred to as “the resistance” became a rallying cry, and with Nate sharpening the tone of its on-air talent, PGN’s ratings skyrocketed. Its commitment to truth telling at a time of disinformation and its investigative work exposing the damage being done within the federal government earned the media empire plaudits and Pulitzer nominations – the type of cache Kendall longed for and his father had never achieved.


As Kendall, Nate, and their team went about reorienting Pierce, Ken kept one eye on the happenings at GoJo. He had not lost his desire to go “reverse Viking” and the myriad of challenges GoJo faced after it acquired Waystar provided the opening Kendall was looking for. It did not hurt that Ken had a mole deep inside the company. From his perch at Tom’s side, Greg saw which way the wind was starting to blow. He had not advanced this far without being a good reader of the room and as GoJo’s fortunes faded and Ken’s rose, Greg saw an opportunity to hedge his bet. It was not much, just the occasional check in text, but the intel Greg provided gave Ken a better sense of whether he would need to engage in trench warfare or be greeted as a liberator.


With Greg confirming much of what was causing GoJo’s precipitous fall, Kendall decided to go for it – a full blown acquisition of the company that had swiped his birthright and doing it on the cheap for good measure. He knew money would not be a problem. Not only was GoJo’s value sinking by the day, but Kendall’s star was burning brightly, and the idea of a prodigal son reclaiming his family’s company would be an irresistible lure. But in order to achieve his goal, Kendall knew he had to deploy a strategy that took advantage of the current moment but also covered his tracks. At Chiantishire, Logan had lectured Ken that business is a knife fight in the mud and Ken had finally absorbed that lesson. If he wanted to flip the script on Matsson, he would need to employ a clever PR strategy and a team of pit bulls to do it.


For that he deputized Hugo Baker, who was part of the kill list that swept out other senior Waystar managers the day Lukas took over and came over to work for Ken immediately thereafter. Hugo’s job was two-fold: leveraging the good publicity Kendall was getting to further burnish his credentials while kneecapping everything and everyone else from that brief, but erratic, interregnum around Logan’s death and the presidential election. In the retelling of this story, it was Kendall who would be framed as the one who saw through Lukas’s shadiness only to be betrayed by his siblings.


Hugo’s task was made easier by the series of bad decisions Lukas made post-acquisition, but he added important color for reporters writing about the Roy family. He did this by primarily pointing the finger at Roman. It was Roman, Hugo told reporters from New York magazine, who was to blame for Joy Palmer’s firing (a fact she confirmed on the record), Gerri Kellman’s resignation, and, Hugo strongly implied, forcing ATN to call the election for Mencken (a claim given more credence when Darwin Perry, furious over having been used by Roman on election night, also agreed to an on-the-record interview which downplayed Ken’s role and emphasized Roman’s strong arm tactics). When this spin was added to Roman’s public meltdown at Logan’s funeral and a few juicy tidbits about his unsteady negotiating tactics in Norway, the public perception that Kendall was the adult in the room while Roman was in over his head came into sharper focus.


But tossing Roman under the bus was only half the job. Hugo also needed to sling mud at Shiv and Kendall gave him plenty of ammunition to do so. In Hugo’s telling, Shiv was resentful over her father’s decision to name Kendall as his successor and to get back at him, turned on her brother. Nate helpfully supported this narrative, confirming Shiv’s perfidy via the calls she made to him while the deal hung in the balance and Kendall offered the coup de grace, an exclusive about the siblings’ huddle in the Caribbean wherein Roman and Shiv “crowned” him only to have her double cross him twelve hours later. Neither Roman nor Shiv was in any position to push back. Roman was stumbling out of various and sundry bars and nightclubs in a drunken state, post-grieving, if you will, not just his father’s death, but all the carnage he created in its wake. Shiv, resigned to never attaining the power she thought she deserved, opted to focus her attention on her child and little else.


The rest of the story wrote itself. Kendall’s Living+ presentation, the gravitas he displayed at his father’s funeral, Logan’s succession side letter, and the good will he engendered as he refreshed Pierce all fed into the narrative he had long craved but always been denied – that he was a business leader worthy of his father’s name. Besides, even if Roman or Shiv had wanted to push back, trying to muster an argument that Ken was guilty of the great sin of wanting to keep the “Roy” in Waystar Royco would not have garnered much traction. The pieces were falling into place. Pierce’s market cap was on a rocket ride while GoJo’s was sinking like a stone. But if Kendall was going to swoop in and pillage the Nordic village, he needed to tie up one final loose end – Andrew Dodds.


Kendall could have left well enough alone. The Scottish police had closed out the Dodds case long ago, writing it off as “death by misadventure.” There were only three people who knew about the story in real time – one was dead (Logan), one was now on an endless shopping spree in Italy (Marcia) and the other now worked for him (Colin). But Kendall had shared a version of the story with his siblings and while each was quiet for now, removing this potential source of blackmail was the wise thing to do.


Kendall reached out to Lisa Arthur, who devised a plan with manageable legal exposure, but if executed properly, would get his story out in a way that would minimize Kendall’s liability, could not be challenged, and deflect blame for the whole affair to people no longer alive to dispute it. In short, Ken signed an affidavit telling an embellished version of the truth. Ken was driving and in an impaired state but it was Andrew who caused the accident by reaching for the steering wheel and causing the car to go over the bridge and into the water. Kendall stated that he attempted – several times – to rescue Andrew but was unable to do so. As importantly, as Ken did with Living+, he used Logan as a foil to bolster his story without Logan being alive to contradict it. Kendall pinned the blame for the cover up on Logan, who, according to Kendall, wanted to avoid any embarrassment for his daughter on her wedding day whereas Ken wanted to come clean but agreed to keep quiet. The story had the added benefit of exonerating Colin, who also elided responsibility by claiming he was just following Logan’s orders.


Lisa coordinated with local counsel and Scottish authorities to wire the whole thing in a way that made Ken look sympathetic. Ken flew over, ostensibly for a ceremony in Dundee commemorating his father’s life, and while he was there, surrendered to authorities and pled guilty to driving under the influence and leaving the scene of an accident. In his public statement of contrition, told with the patina of guilt Ken legitimately felt about what happened that night, he took responsibility for his actions, apologized to the Dodds family, and announced a generous donation toward drug and alcohol treatment programs. Later that day, he visited the Dodds in their home and, along with a private apology, handed them a check for $10 million. Afterwards, the group made a joint appearance outside the home where Andrew’s parents thanked Kendall for coming forward and offering them closure for a loss they continued to suffer.


With that landmine defused, Kendall turned his attention to his business plan for the GoJo takeover. It was not a heavy lift. After all, he had been the one who initially pitched the idea of acquiring the Swedish streaming service back at Josh Aronson’s estate. GoJo had followed the path of many other tech start-ups. Its initial, massive burst of growth made it a Wall Street darling, allowing it to borrow large sums of money as its valuation increased so that it could scoop up other services to maintain growth, but the house of cards had collapsed when its subscriber numbers were exposed as bogus, its revenue dried up, and its cash on hand dwindled to service the debt it carried. Kendall brought in Ebba to give him a better sense of how the company operated internally, and her download confirmed what he suspected – the streaming app was useful but the rest of the parts shop was not providing much benefit. Instead of having a multi-national news, entertainment, and recreation conglomerate acquire a streaming service to expand its reach, the opposite had happened – a business version of the tail wagging the dog, a mistake Kendall intended to undo.


For Waystar, Ken would finally get the chance to correct the mistakes he thought his father had made. The parks and cruises division would have an all-female leadership team that would also be charged with building out the Living+ concept. Kendall tracked down Comfry Pellits to run comms for the division and convinced Jess Jordan to return to work under her. ATN would revert back to its pre-GoJo form led by Cyd Peach. Having both PGN and ATN would fulfill Kendall’s observation to Rhea back in the Waystar safe room that the former gave viewers what they needed (objective news reporting) while the latter gave viewers what they wanted (verbal combat). It would also monetize both sides of the political divide - a true win/win. While the folks at Waystar’s movie studio would not be thrilled, Ken also knew that having PGM in the fold gave the company balance that would smooth whatever concerns talent had about working with (or for) Waystar 2.0.


Ken filled out important spots on his team with familiar faces. He enticed Lisa away from her law firm partnership with a generous compensation package and the title of General Counsel. She would be across all the issues that arose within the company, liaise with the politicians and regulators whose palms would need greasing to move things along, and trouble shoot problems as they popped up. Frank, impressed with the work Kendall had done in such short order, agreed to come back as Vice Chairman and since Karl had retired to his Greek Island, Ken asked Tellis to come in as CFO. Ebba was hired as Hugo’s second in command with a focus on integrating what would remain of GoJo into the new and expanded Waystar Royco empire. Finally, Greg the Egg would stick around in a similar role as he had under Tom – sussing out office vibes, being charged with taking care of miscellaneous tasks, and, when needed, being a hype man to boost his boss’s mood.


With his financing in place and his leadership team lined up, Ken submitted his proposal to Lukas, who took a screenshot of the executive summary and tweeted it out below a poop emoji. GoJo’s board was of a different opinion. With their fiduciary duty to the shareholders, the board saw Kendall’s offer as a needed lifeline for a company teetering on the brink of failure. While Matsson pitched the board hard to reject the offer, promising he was capable of turning things around, the facts said otherwise. The company’s legal problems were not getting any better and GoJo’s lifeblood – its subscribers – was leaking away. After a little back and forth between the board and Ken’s team, a deal was struck. PGM would acquire GoJo at a valuation roughly a third of what it was six short months previously. GoJo would write a large check to Ebba to settle her claims, leaving Ken and his brain trust to resolve the company’s issues with the U.S. government. For that, Kendall would lean on his new team. Lisa and Nate made for a formidable duo. The former would work with the SEC and DOJ to resolve their investigations and the latter would rely on his deep ties to Senator Eavis to assure him that Kendall would clean up Lukas’s mess while providing Gil with more opportunities to appear on both PGN and ATN.


And so, Ken slipped on what was now his standard CEO uniform – a dark blue suit and a crisp white dress shirt opened at the collar. His phone pinged as he headed out the door, a text from his older brother. “Congrats, Kenny” it read over a selfie of Connor and Willa at the U.S. embassy in Dubrovnik. Ken chuckled to himself – Conner, a freaking ambassador. Fikret and Colin were waiting curbside as Ken left his building. “To the Death Star!” Ken exclaimed, as Fikret navigated the Mercedes SUV into Manhattan traffic heading toward Waystar’s headquarters. When the trio arrived, Frank, Tellis, Lisa, Nate, Stewy, Greg, Hugo, and Ebba greeted him with big smiles and pats on the back. “I told you Frank, one head, one crown, bigger than dad ever was,” Ken said as the two men shared a hug. The group headed to the elevator bank that would take them up to Waystar’s boardroom where the rest of the team was waiting.


Tom’s trip to the office occurred in stony silence. That Shiv was filing for divorce was not entirely unexpected. After all, they both knew Tom would soon be out of a job. Worse, the bad press Tom received – from the cruise line scandal to Mencken’s election – effectively made him unemployable in any of the Fortune 500 companies based in New York. But the abruptness of her decision still stung. She was moving to enforce their pre-nuptial agreement and, more painfully, suing for sole custody of little Matty. Tom may have gummed up Shiv’s legal options by conflicting out some of the city’s top tier matrimonial attorneys, but she had an equity stake in GoJo’s acquisition that still netted her hundreds of millions of dollars and enough sense to trust her financial advisors as she slowly sold off her GoJo shares into a declining market. Tom was not so fortunate. The stock options he received when he became CEO of Waystar were now almost worthless and aside from his salary and the agreed upon payout he would receive under the terms of the pre-nup, he did not have the kind of money he would need for a protracted court fight. Ordinarily, Tom would confide in (or take his frustrations out on) Greg, but the two men were no longer on speaking terms. When Ken’s team sent over its kill list, Tom was not surprised to see his name on it, but he noticed Greg’s name was conspicuously absent. He quickly put two and two together. While Tom could have fired Greg, it would have been pointless because Kendall would have just hired him right back.


The logistics of the signing ceremony had been worked out in advance. Matsson refused to travel to the States because he was dodging a Congressional subpoena and did not want to risk being picked up by the U.S. Marshals. Instead, he designated Tom to sign the documents on GoJo’s behalf. When Ken’s team entered the boardroom Tom and a few soon-to-be unemployed GoJo executives were already there. The two men had not spoken or seen each other in six months. While it was a long shot, Tom made one last attempt to avoid losing his job. “Kendall,” he said with faux sincerity, “you really have done it. If there is anything I can do to help with the transition – ” before Ken cut him off. “I’m good, Tom. You’re out.” Deflated, Tom retreated to his chair and scribbled his name in each place his assistant had marked. Ken did the same and with those strokes of the pen, the deal was done.


With the paperwork complete, Ken walked down to his dad’s old office. It, along with Waystar, were now his. There would be good days ahead as well as challenges, but for now, he gazed out the window at New York’s skyline with a contented look on his face. He pulled out his phone and called his son. Things had improved slightly with Iverson and Sophie. Rava kept them upstate for a week or so after the election and as Ken’s life stabilized he did his best to mend fences. Although Rava took note of what Pierce was doing under Ken’s leadership, there was too much peanut butter between them. They now communicated solely through their lawyers; however, Rava also knew that it was important for their two children to have some sort of relationship with their father and she encouraged them – at their own pace – to reengage with him. Ken wanted not just to right the wrongs of his own parenting but be a better role model to his son than Logan was to him. “Hey buddy,” he said when Iverson picked up. “Dad’s calling you from grandpa’s old office.” “Listen,” he continued, “I’m going to have Fikret pick you up tomorrow morning so you can come into work with me.” “Ok, dad.” “Can’t wait, pal. I love you,” Ken replied. As Ken hung up the phone, new Jess (whose real name was Lauren) popped her head in at the door. “Kendall, I have the White House on Line 1.” “Thanks,” he replied. Ken picked up his desk line. “Hello, Mr. President.”


THE END

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Succession Power Rankings - Church and State

This week on Succession … Roman trips, Mencken flips, and Jess splits. And now, the Power Rankings:


1. Logan Roy (last week: NR): When you appeared in front of Congress, Senator Gil Eavis quoted Emerson and noted that every institution is the shadow of a single man. That was certainly true of Waystar Royco under your leadership and your funeral confirmed it was true of your entire life. Your mistresses sat side-by-side with your wives, your flunkies recorded your youngest son breaking down in tears to create a viral internet meme poking fun at his weakness, and the rich and powerful paid their respects while jockeying to fill the void you left behind. This was the world you believed in – one consumed with ambition, desire, of converting black bile into silver dollars - that helped you turn a buck and become one of the most powerful people on Earth. It is only fitting that you are now entombed in a mausoleum you picked up on the cheap, can be used as a tax write-off, and which none of your kids, save Connor, have any interest in joining you in after they pass away.


2. Shiv Roy (last week: 9): When you told Mencken you were flexible, you were not lying. On election night, you were warning that his elevation to the presidency spelled the end of democracy in America. Less than twenty-four hours later, you were assuring that same man that if you were in charge of ATN you would respect its audience’s support of him. And in order to secure that job, you told Matsson you will barely pause to deliver your child (much less raise it) to allay any concerns he had about putting you in charge, but telegraphed the same grim childhood for your offspring that your own mother put you through. These are the kinds of realpolitik maneuvers Logan would have appreciated, but can we put to rest once and for all the idea your moral compass is not as broken as Kendall and Roman’s?


3. Jeryd Mencken (last week: 2): Far be it for us to question the political instincts of a man just (sort of) elected President of these United States, but switching horses in mid-stream is usually a recipe for disaster. You are shorting your Roman stock because he could not keep it together at his dad’s funeral and were put off by Ken’s clumsy attempt to confirm your deal with the brothers was still operative. Instead, you are taking a flyer on a woman who literally worked for one of your opponents but promises she will not change ATN’s coverage of you. It is one thing to be a nativist who is skeptical about foreign ownership of American companies, it is another to assume that the cleanliness and purity you crave will manifest in someone who hates you.


4. Kendall Roy (last week: 3): You swung in for Roman when he could not go on and delivered a eulogy that served as a counter point to your uncle’s bitter screed. You nodded to Logan having been a tough brute with a dark energy, but justified it because of the geysers of money he made – for himself and those around him – while giving the people what they wanted. It was a cynical, if honest appraisal of your dad’s life work. Of course, words and deeds are two different things, a fact you came to realize quickly after your bravura performance. It is easy enough to marshal additional troops by dangling money in front of Hugo and a sense of purpose in front of Colin to secure their allegiance, but Mencken got wobbly after seeing Roman melt down and you could not reel him back in. Now, there will be a final battle between you and Shiv in front of the board of directors and we are going to find out if you are in fact your dad’s number one boy or just another Icarus who flew too close to the sun.


5. Lukas Matsson (last week: 6): American politics must seem strange to you. You assumed Mr. Scary was going to put the kibosh on your Waystar acquisition, but when you got the chance to meet him, all you needed to do was muse on the cultural influence you could provide and promise to appoint an American as CEO of Waystar in order to turn his head. Perhaps he is also aware you two share a willingness to cite “H” casually and it did not hurt that assorted Roy members were falling over each other thirsty for Mencken’s attention. With his promise to not stand in the way of the deal and barely a ripple from the market after dumping news of your funky India numbers, you are that much closer to obtaining your new bauble.


6. Hugo Baker (last week: NR): You can brief reporters on background in your sleep, but Kendall is offering you a trip to a world where he rules, not as your collaborator, but your master, holding you on a leash while you do his grubby work. In exchange for your fealty, the table scraps he offers will make you a millionaire. Naturally, you bark in agreement and prepare to eat out of the dog bowl.


7. Ewan Roy (last week: NR): The Power Rankings find it poor form to air dirty laundry in public but like your deceased brother, you are a crusty old man who does what he wants. Whatever humanizing strokes of Logan you painted by discussing your tough upbringing were washed away with your predictable rant painting him as an evil force in the world. But your criticism of him as a miser who hoarded his wealth was a bridge too far considering your entire livelihood was built on the money he earned while you shot spitballs at him from the bleachers.


8. Tom Wamgsgans (last week: 7): The thing about being a middle man is you are handed all of the responsibility and none of the authority. When things go south, the finger gets pointed at you even though you were not the one who made the big decisions. So we understand why you are exhausted. The last few weeks would test the fortitude of far stronger men. You were on the doomed flight with Logan playing go between him and his children as he lay dying. Your marriage, dangling by a thread for so long, appeared to have bounced back only to snap in a series of brutally honest arguments with your wife, who casually mentioned you are going to be a father. You spent election night in a cocaine haze being pulled in opposite directions and are now left holding the bag while violence erupts in the streets and you are the one being blamed for it all. You are not thinking clearly, so it is impossible for you to know whether Shiv’s offer of a brief respite at the triplex was done out of genuine concern or simply a pull of your string so she can use you to her advantage before cutting you loose.


9. Roman Roy (last week: 1): The Power Rankings sympathize with you, Roman. We too were asked to give a eulogy at our father’s funeral and know the pressure it places on someone, particularly when their relationship with their deceased parent was so fraught. But we live in a world where that type of challenge is not met with sneers, derision and social media ridicule, but support and love, you do not. And so, with Mencken mocking you as the Grim Weeper and Ken big brother-ing you while your head is still swimming, it is no surprise that you lashed out by crowd surfing against the tide of humanity protesting the chaos you helped unleash.


10. Jess Jordan (last week: 10): Right move, wrong timing, Jess. We hope Ken has a scrap of humanity left inside him so you can leave with a generous severance package. Otherwise, we fear your labors will not just go unrewarded, but punished.


Not Ranked: Cousin Greg. Marcia Roy. Connor Roy. Willa Roy. Rava Roy. Sophie Roy. Shakespeare Frank Vernon. Karl Muller. Gerri Kellman. Kerry Castellabatte. Caroline Collingwood. Peter Munion. Sally Ann. Colin Stiles. Karolina Novotny. A Pan-Hapsburg American-Led EU Alternative. Cat Food Ozymandias. Queasy Gonzalez.


Not Ranked:


America Decides

Tailgate Party

Living+

Kill List

Honeymoon States

Connor’s Wedding

Rehearsal

The Munsters

Seasons 2 and 3 Power Rankings