Succession Power Rankings - Secession

This week on Succession … Logan takes a trip, Kendall makes a move, and Gerri gets a promotion. And now, the Power Rankings: 

1. Kendall Roy (last week: 1): You have come a long way, Ken. When we first met you, you were the heir apparent, shadow boxing in the back seat of your chauffeured Mercedes pumping yourself up to close a major deal. Now, you are a heat seeking missile that just scored a direct hit on the good ship Fuck Off and you're doing deep breathing exercises in a hotel bathroom to steady your nerves. We here at the Power Rankings are just a wee bit concerned about where that energy went once you bolted out the door. We are willing to look past the snap decision to put Greg in charge of media monitoring as a move made out of necessity because your other choices looked so good - locking down shareholder support, tossing Karolina overboard when it was clear she could not be trusted, whispering in Frank’s ear, and decamping to Rava’s house to avoid prying eyes - were all A+ maneuvers. But you barely let Barry Schneider get a word in edgewise while you mansplained your great idea for a TEDx lecture like you had just gotten a hold of some particularly potent Bolivian marching powder. Inviting your new squeeze to your ex’s house is *never* a good idea, and while locking down Lisa Arthur was clearly a net plus, you are vibrating at a slightly too-high frequency right now. Maybe give it a rest with the folks from BoJack, spend less time obsessing over your Twitter account, drop the O.J. references, and check if Jess can find a “straightener” to even you out a little bit. 

2. Gerri Kellman (last week: 7): Roman may have dismissed you at Argestes as a clever filing cabinet everyone is happy to keep around, but you did not climb Mount Olympus and become the new Zeus (albeit one who will have a hairy old newsman in your ear) of Waystar Royco by being indiscreet. You are sensible enough to sidestep the obvious landmines like your boss’s son’s offer for a quick roll in the hay and cautious enough to know when not to push too hard when a message is being sent from up on high at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Your elevation to CEO may be a transparent ploy by Logan to tamp down the pressure being brought to bear on him, but he recognized your talent, loyalty, and experience made a lot more sense than handing the keys to the kingdom to either of his children. 

3. Cousin Greg(ory)(last week: 3): Yes Greg, the internet IS big and good memeage IS important for Team Kendall, but you know we can just go on Twitter to see the tweets, right? There is no need to write them down. When you handed Ken those confidential documents, we were not unimpressed with your power move, but we are worried you may be in a bit over your head. Between talking your mom off the ledge and out of those panic purchases of Nutri Bullets and Krugerrands, getting rick rolled by fake social media accounts, and popping the cork on a bottle of wine Rava was holding for a special occasion, this all may be happening too fast. The air is thin in the higher elevations of the Power Rankings Mr. Hirsch, another week like this, and you may need to decamp to a lower altitude and hit the oxygen tank. 

4. Logan Roy (last week: 4): At the beginning of Season Two, Jamie observed that you generally do the wise thing and your moves in the aftermath of Kendall’s betrayal affirmed this point. Yes, you needed to work through your anger, largely by doing something else you do - tell people to fuck off, insult them, and generally make them feel like shit - but ultimately, you recognized the need to make a tactical retreat after it became clear your friends in the White House were not going to run interference with the Justice Department. Was there a Boar on the Floor element to picking your faux successor? Sure. You’re still wary of Shakespeare Frank (and with good reason) and Karl is useless if his tummy is grumbling, but after sounding out your war council you did the wise thing. For now, you need to recede into the background, let the storm blow over, and hope like hell a new circus comes to town soon. 

5. Roman Roy (last week: 6): Subtlety is not one of your strong suits, but perhaps that time in management training has finally paid off. If your dad knew Gerri was helping you work out your sexual kinks after hours he might have seen through your charade of asking for the job that you really wanted her to have, but it paid off. Unfortunately, your moves never seem to get you closer to the top. You are always stuck in traffic in the middle rungs of the Power Rankings, but who knows, maybe your whole “Mole Woman and Tarzan” pitch will pay off after all. Color us skeptical.

6. Lisa Arthur (last week: NR): When both sides in the Roy civil war are desperate for your representation, you must be doing something right, an assumption you proved accurate when you did not flinch under Shiv’s withering attack after you told her you were already spoken for.

7. Shiv Roy (last week: 5): Sometimes you can do (almost) everything right and still not get what you want, a lesson it appears you have just learned. You spent last season fighting to cash in that promise your dad made to you at the summer palace. You won some, you lost some, but when it came time to swing the sword, you were the one sitting at your father’s arm fully prepared to watch your older brother take the fall for the whole cruise line scandal while securing your spot as the next in line to the throne. But when Ken went rogue and the succession plan got scrambled, your inexperience gave your father pause and your failure to lock down Lisa Arther clinched his decision. Could that detour you told your driver to make end with you switching sides? 

8. Jess Jordan (last week: 9): The Power Rankings recognize good staffing when we see it. The instinctive positioning just within ear shot to catch Kendall’s ridiculous demands, the Rolodex-at-your-fingertips to convert those demands into action, and the unobtrusive presence just far enough away that tells people they can speak in confidence, are all part of what makes you indispensable. Of course, the contours of your job sometimes veer into murkier waters - finding a steady hook up so Ken can keep his nose powdered and acting as a go-between for Logan’s threat to grind Ken’s bones into dust to make his bread were probably not in the original job description - but you do it all without breaking a sweat. 

9: Karl (last week: NR): It is understandable that you see yourself as a potential interim CEO. You just survived the hostage situation, sorry, administrative action function, in Turkey (albeit while muscling through a panic attack). You have institutional knowledge (the tabloid suicides, the Tiananmen accommodation, the black cloud after Sally Ann) and the sick burns (The twelve-foot sub of poisonous snakes, the full Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors of Fuck) needed by anyone who orbits Planet Logan and yet, it is hard to picture you wearing the Big Trousers when you wilt so easily if not properly nourished. 

10. Hugo Baker (last week: NR): The Power Rankings would be remiss in not recognizing good advance work. Most advance has one person to handle press, one for site logistics, another for hotels, and yet another for transportation, but you sir, were all of those people rolled into one. An honorary Secret Service hard pin for you Hugo, in what may be a one-and-done appearance on our list. 

Not Ranked: Connor Roy. Willa. Shakespeare Frank. Tom Wamgsgans. Michelle-Anne, The Pantsuit Barnacle. Barry Schneider. Comfry. Rava. Naomi Pierce. Karolina. The Raisin. Stewy. Sandy Furness (who may or may not have syphilis). Non Extradition Treaties. The Pope’s Twitter Account. The Reverse Banjo. Tater Tots. The Straight Leg Chino Way of Putting Things. Gender Appropriate Razors. Weevils in the Flour Sack. The Clean Jar. 

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Full Season 2 Power Rankings