April 30

I did not sleep well last night. I think some of it was because I napped yesterday (oops) and some of it was anxiety over going to the grocery story today (yes, THAT IS A THING). The shop wasn't too bad although I feel like I can't walk out without having spent close to $150. It is partially a survival instinct - OOH, they have <x product> and even though I have some now, why not get more, you know, JUST IN CASE. Somehow, a shopping list with 10 items on it balloons to a much bigger amount. I am thankful I have the money (for now) to spend, and I am not good for another week.

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April 29

My neighbors across the street annoy me. It's a family - a husband and wife and their two kids (boys). The husband is a lumpy something or other, he leaves for work about the same time I do, gets home about the same time too. The wife does not work. Her "job" appears to be walking their dog in the morning and at night and yelling at their kids. They put up a sign a few days ago, something about "supporting our front line workers" or something. These people, who have a cleaning woman, a landscaping service, and their meals delivered, and I'm just like, COME ON. Suburbia is so fucking lame.

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April 28

Almost forgot to post today. One of the other weird things about the quarantine is how little parts of our lives froze. For me, one of those was having 2 books checked out from the library when everything shut down. Suddenly, I had all the time in the world to read these two tomes because there was no expiration date. Well, last night, I finished the second of the two books and now I do not have anything to read. I actually broke down and *bought* a couple of books from Amazon, which I never do, but desperate times ....

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April 27

Aging hands out small indignities. Among them is the nagging aches and pains, the little injury flare ups that happen with increasing regularity. I work out regularly and went years, actually, more than a decade without suffering even a minor injury - never missed a day at the gym. In my mid 40s, the worm started to turn. A knee, a back, a pulled muscle, it has all added up. I tweaked a core muscle over the weekend and am now out for a few days. It is so frustrating because I rely a lot on fitness to manage my mental health. 

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April 26

I am taking a break from life today. I am not one for spilling my emotions on social media, in fact, I find people who do it embarrassing. Brian Stelter, a media critic on CNN, got a lot of attention last week for tweets he sent out about being "gutted" by the coronavirus. It was the kind of performative emoting online I do not understand (and find a bit manipulative and self-serving). And in Stelter's defense, he did speak to the struggles of people with far less privilege than he, but really, it was about him, right? Like, you don't tweet something like that out to 700,000 twitter followers if you're not really looking for attention. It's an emotional thirst trap move that I do not condone.

With all of that said, for you, one of 10 people who will read this, I will tell you I am tapped today. Emotionally, physically, and psychologically, so I'm going to lay on the couch and stare at the TV all day.

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April 25

I (hopefully?!) survived a trip to ShopRite this morning. The shopping part was fine but the check out was a little dicey. I went self-checkout and ended up at a less-than-ideal spot. The self-checkout has 4 spots, 2 x 2 but I was at the kiosk closest to where the attendant stands sandwiched between the other kiosk on that side (where someone was also checking out). Everyone had a mask on and I tried to keep my head tilted away from anything, but of course I had a week's worth of groceries to scan so it's not like it went fast. Ugh.

That's one of the exhausting things about the coronavirus, you are always on guard when you step outside your home. Even now, I won't even go to the curb to get the mail if there is anyone within 50 feet of my house. Unpacking groceries takes 10 minutes now because I give the outside of every container a quick Purell wipe down. All the small things I never thought twice about now occupy so much of my mental head space when I leave the house, it really is crazy.

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April 24

I had a bad day today. I did not sleep well, my sides were sore, the cats were frisky, it was just not good. I just feel mentally exhausted. I did some work in the morning but fell into a deep sleep (shhh don't tell my boss) right after lunch for like 2 hours. I rallied a bit later in the afternoon, but am still not feeling great.

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April 23

Kind of exhausted right now. I went to Target yesterday, which, for any of you in the Central New Jersey area, is the place to go for the stuff in short supply like toilet paper, soap, and disinfecting wipes. I was then on a call with a client for more than 2 hours (also exhausting) and spent the afternoon doing some legal research. My sides are sore, I am worried about my health. I've had this pain in my right side for months and had it looked at (CT scan) and it showed nothing but it never went away and now I'm getting a similar pain in my left side, so I just assume my kidneys are failing, so that's fun and of course, under normal circumstances, I don't like going to the doctor, but now, forget it. They'll find my body days after I expire ...

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April 21

Just a quiet day working from home. Was just thinking about my first date with SLF, which happened "OTD" in 2013. She ordered salmon on a cedar plank, asked the hostess if she (the hostess) thought I was good looking, and ordered pistachio ice cream at The Bent Spoon. It's weird how you remember dumb things like this. 

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April 20

It is interesting to see new rhythms created even in a pandemic. To wit, the sweet spot for grocery shopping is not the minute the store opens. No, I have now learned if you show up about 45 minutes after it opens the number of other shoppers is very low. The crazies (raises hand!) who get there at the opening have left and it is too early for the sane people. Viola! A quick and relatively uneventful trip is completed.

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