I haven't posted in a long time. I don't really have an explanation or an excuse, it's just that 2026 has been without a doubt the most challenging year I've had to go through in a long time. As I mentioned in my one and only post earlier this year, I herniated a disc in my back in January. It was a severe herniation, like I could barely walk for several weeks, was in constant pain, could not even stand up to use the bathroom (or shower) for over a month, and still had to function at work (although my employer was nice enough to let me work from home), take care of the cats, manage doctor's appointments, etc. all while we went through a 10 day stretch right after I hurt myself when the temperature didn't even break 32 degrees.
It took three months before I was able to do even the lightest exercise, which was by far the longest I had gone without working out in more than 20 years. I had also packed on 10 pounds because I was so depressed, and of course, working off that weight has been an additional challenge. Even now, almost seven (!) months after the incident, my right leg is still messed up. I can't put full weight on it (likely caused by nerve damage that may take months longer to heal or might never fully heal at all!) and any time I feel even the slightest pain in my back I freak out for fear I might re-injure myself. It is basically like living a nightmare. Every time I bend over to pick something up or lift a bag of cat litter or have to stop myself short and lead with my (weaker) leg, the panic just washes over me. I am able to work out now, which is good, but there are a lot of exercises I just can't do - burpees, lunges, squatting with anything more than like 10 pounds, etc. Just completely off limits and that also frustrates me, I am used to being very active and athletic and I have had to dial down my workouts considerably to manage my rehabilitation.
On top of all that, I have a whole thing going on with my stupid health insurer who all the way back in February denied my doctor's request that I have an MRI to determine why I was in so much pain. I went ahead and had the MRI done (which confirmed the diagnosis of a herniated disc and was needed for me to do any physical therapy, apparently I was supposed to just writhe in pain for six freaking weeks before even getting the MRI if my health insurer is to be believed!) and it cost more a little over three thousand dollars. So I appealed the denial and am still waiting to get a decision back. It is handy to have a law degree. At the first appeal, I got the denial of my back MRI overturned and am now on the second appeal of my hip MRI (which was denied at the first appeal stage). It is easier for me than I'd assume it is a layperson to marshal evidence, an argument, and a conclusion in a way that is both easy to read and persuasive, so we'll see.
It is just very hard to stay positive. I wake up every morning hoping to feel improvement in my leg and it does not come. I feel a pinch in my back and immediately feel anxious. I spend a lot of time asking why this happened to me and how unfair it feels and it does not do any good because there is no reason, it is not like the universe singled me out, but I do feel like I'm being tested - mentally, psychologically, and physically - and I am just trying to do my best to make it through each day.
