June 12

It has been a busy couple of days. The thing about working from home is that you never really feel like you are off the clock and if you are a Type A like me, that basically means you are doing "work" from as early as 7 o'clock in the morning until 9 o'clock (or later) at night. That may mean responding to an email or jotting down an idea for oral argument, but your mind is constantly focused on work. Plus, I had a really bad anxiety attack Wednesday night, which was not great.

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June 10

I forgot to post yesterday. I have an oral argument next week and I am preparing for it (while also dreading it). On one level, virtual appearances are good b/c my anxiety around things like traveling to court and being physically in front of a judge are much lower; on the other, this particular case is tricky and I do not want to fuck it up. 

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June 8

Another week of work from home. It is true what they say, after awhile, the days do just bleed into each other. I am a decided homebody, but even *I* am tiring of being inside 99% of the time. I know. I know. The rest of the country is opening the spigot (in some places faster, others, slower) and I could be out more, but better safe than sorry. On the other hand, I can't see doing life like this for another 6-8 months, but I am resigned to having a nothing burger of a 50th birthday in October!

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June 7

One of the casualties of the pandemic was a nascent dating relationship I started in the weeks before New Jersey went on shutdown. I am not sure where it was going long-term, but it held some promise. We tried keeping in touch once quarantine dropped but I (oddly) knew I had lost the thread about a week in when she asked me to pick her up and take her to the grocery store (she's a doctoral candidate at, let's just say, a prestigious local university and does not own a car but does use ride shares). When I explained that I was not comfortable doing so (I was experiencing a high level of anxiety at that point) she feigned understanding and shortly thereafter, disappeared. 

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June 6

I had a dream last night that I was sitting in on a differential diagnosis with Greg House and his team and it was magnificent. 

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June 5

Today got off to a bad start. The power went out in a narrow little time frame between about 4:45 AM  (when I peeked at the alarm clock) and 5:15 AM (when I woke up). It immediately made me anxious. Of course, had I gotten up 5 minutes later, the only reason I would have known the power went out was the flashing clock lights, but regardless, not great. I ducked down to the office very early (around 6:30 AM) at a time when no one is ever there and of course, as the elevator opened to take me back to the garage, BOOM, someone walked out of the elevator (and neither of us was wearing a mask). I mean, the interaction was split second, but it still further torqued me up. Just weird energy. Maybe it is the heat and humidity, but I am looking forward to the weekend.

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June 4

This is the longest I have gone without having to put on a suit and tie in more than 20 years, and I have to say, I am not mad about it. There is something to be said for being able to "go to work" in shorts and a t-shirt.

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June 3

A busy work (from home) day that started around 6 am and has not let up since. On the flip side, I really do think I am more productive at home as opposed to the office. To be sure, the occasional 5 or 10 minute chit chat with a co worker is nice, but net/net, the ability to not be distracted by being in a big office building is a major plus.

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June 2

The nice thing about having a busy day at work (from home) is it keeps one away from the daily (hourly) flood of awful, depressing, we-are-sliding-to-dictatorship reporting. 

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June 1

It dawned on me this weekend that I probably will not celebrate my birthday (which is in October) in the way I typically do - going to my local diner and organizing french fries into my age (it is an homage to Walter White in Breaking Bad). That thought bummed me out a little. To be honest, there are many things about the pandemic that have not affected my life at all - I did not go out much before the pandemic and I do not have any close friends I spend any time with - but the small stuff, the ability to just grocery shop, or have that diner breakfast, or browse the books at my library, or go to the gym, have been taken away. I know, in the big scheme of things these are minor, but I have a minor life - a small life - and it just shrinks a bit more with each passing day.

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