January 10

It is Friday. This weekend the weather is supposed to be spring-like, high 60s both days. A nice treat. I try to think about getting through winter as making it to March 1st. Granted, March can be shitty, but sun angles and longer days make even those bad days (usually) not quite as bad. So, with above average temperatures through the end of next week, we have 45 days of possibly shitty winter weather before March starts. It seems manageable. 

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy 

January 9

I turn 50 in 9 months. It is amazing how quickly time moves. 3 months goes by in the blink of an eye. All I do is waste time. It is life's most precious commodity and yet I squander it, every day. Days blend into weeks which blend into months which blend into years and before you know it, your entire life has gone by and you (and by you, I mean I) have ZERO to show for it. 

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy 

January 8

Why do people keep their (outdoor) Christmas lights up well into January? Is it not enough that you get an entire month (at least) *before* Christmas to celebrate the birth of your lord and savior? Do you REALLY need another two weeks *after* Christmas too? I mean, I get a couple days after Christmas, maybe even up until New Year's, but that should be the cutoff. We do not live in a Christian theocracy (yet), you already get PLENTY of time for holiday cheer, take your fucking lights down.

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy 

January 7

Elizabeth Wurtzel died today, she was 52. When I first saw the news, I assumed she had committed suicide in light of her history of mental health issues, but it turned out she died of breast cancer. I felt bad. I wrote a pretty scathing critique of a New York magazine cover she wrote a few years ago and now she is dead. The twin fears of suicide and cancer made it that much worse - I assume one of those is how I will meet my own fate.

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy 

January 6

Sports are a funny thing. "Real men" idealize football as a battle of wills, a test of manhood, etc etc while mocking something like figure skating as an exhibition because judges make wonky decisions that reward the wrong contestants. And yet, last year, the Saints were screwed by a no call in the NFC Championship Game so egregious, the league changed the rules to address such a situation. Flash to yesterday, an exact situation the rule was intended to address - in a game the Saints were playing no less - is not used. How is that any different than the "East German judge" giving that 10 for a lousy routine. Like, if you hand the decision about who wins and who loses to referees (i.e. "judges") is there really any difference? 

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy 

January 5

The Patriots lost last night. That pleased me. I am not as into sports as I was when I was younger, but it's enough with the Patriots. Like, EVERYONE outside of New England is rejoicing and no one will ever question Brady's greatness or the singular achievement of winning six titles in 19 years, but just go away. You cheated, you were underhanded, you exploited loopholes in the rule book. Your legacy is, let us just say, mixed. Your starting quarterback is a MAGA-hat wearing cyborg. Your head coach has been caught cheating, repeatedly. Your owner is a multi-billionaire who is so cheap he went to a jack shack not once but twice instead of finding a discreet escort who could have taken care of him in the privacy of his own home. And now, he's throwing high priced lawyers at the problem to keep the video of his jerk off sessions hidden from public view instead of admitting his guilt. But you had your run, your fans should be able to live the rest of their lives simply saying "scoreboard." Good bye.

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy 

January 4

Not to be overly dramatic, but I think I am dying. I have had a pain in my side for months now and I am convinced it is a cancerous tumor, so that's fun. I know what you're saying - see a doctor. I did. I had a CT scan (he thought it was kidney stones) which did not show anything. Nevertheless, I have convinced myself that this pain will kill me. I know what else you are thinking - why don't you go back to your doctor. I should, but I feel like walking in there to complain about the same thing will make me look crazy. I know, it is weird - fearing looking silly instead of confirming this thing is not actually killing me is a weird way to do life, but that is part of what it is like to feel great anxiety and PTSD. So shut the fuck up.

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy 

January 3

We killed an Iranian general named Soleimani last night. For the MAGA cult, this is a U-S-A, U-S-A moment that will make their fervid support of Trump even stronger. It reminds me a lot of Reagan, the idea of this Rambo President who takes no shit. I admit, I was surprised that Trump did this. I had him pegged as an all-talk-no-action type, but he escalated things considerably.

One of the reasons I named Rise and Kill First one of my two books of the year last year was because the author spent chapter after chapter examining what happens in the aftermath of an action like this. Usually, a targeted assassination does not have the hoped-for result, which is deescalation. What usually happens is the whole situation becomes more unstable, not less, largely because someone else bubbles up to take the deceased's place and partly because leaders take advantage of these escalations to further inflame the passions of the people. 

Of course, Trump is schooled in pro wrestling, where back in the 1980s it was easy to identify the heels - the Iron Sheik chanting IRAN NUMBER ONE makes for an easy foe while wrapping yourself in the red, white, and blue is always a smart decision. Politics does not do nuance, does not do analysis or long-term, it is sound bite driven and dumbed down. To question Trump, Republicans will say, is to question America itself (this worked to great effect after 9/11 too!) We are the infallible force for good in the world (according to them) so assassinating a general of a country we are not technically at war with is of no moment. 

I have no idea how this all works out. No one on TV does. No one in the Pentagon does. And sure as shit Trump does not, but I would bet a dollar he does not care. All he cares about today is that he will be greeted rapturously by his fans while his detractors hand wring. 

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy 

January 2

Hi ho, hi ho, it is back to work I go. Ugh. I am dreading my first day back in the office. For one thing, I know I have to talk to my assistant. She is not great, but she has a connection in the office and therefore, has to be dealt with delicately and cannot be fired. I *hate* having to do this. She screws up basic stuff -- and is always apologetic -- but nevertheless. It is not helpful that my normal tone of voice is usually read by people as being hostile or antagonistic (and often it is). I fucking hate this.

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy 

January 1

I was in bed last night at 9 p.m. I was up at midnight because some fuck nuts in my neighborhood thought it would be HILARIOUS to set off fireworks at that time. I am now the "get off my lawn" old person and was highly annoyed. Anyway, I fell back asleep and woke up around 5:30. I am going to the gym this morning (because I am that asshole) and will then spend the rest of the day on the couch, awaiting the return of anxiety, which went on vacation too, but will be back with a vengeance as I stress out about going to work tomorrow. 

Follow me on Twitter - @scarylawyerguy