Friday, April 27, 2012

Five Reasons You Are Not Listening To Howard Stern


The Howard Stern Show is ever evolving.  Spend a random afternoon listening to the “Shuffle” program that runs on Howard 101 and you will see how different the show has sounded over the years.  Unfortunately, at least in this listener’s opinion, the show is currently in a particularly fallow period of its existence.  Here’s why:

Too Much Wack Pack. Air time whores like Mariann from Brooklyn and Bobo are guaranteed show killers at this point because they serve only one function - gratuitously sucking up to Howard.  It’s neither fun nor funny, but rather, predictable and boring.  On the other hand, a few minutes with Eric the Midget can be interesting (emphasis on *a few*) but the inevitable devolution into “ack, ack” sound clips, Eric cursing others and Johnny Fratto plugs serves to extend segments that outlast their shelf life.  And don’t even get me started on Debbie the Pet Lady.  Worst. Wack Packer. Ever.

Fake Staff Fights.  Did you hear Jon Hein and Jason Kaplan are mad at each other?  What about Scott the Engineer?  He and Shuli have beef.  Don’t believe me?  Just tune in for a 45 minute segment that conveniently ends like a scripted wrestling match.  Back in the day, staff members had dramatic fights that led to them quitting the show (Fred), calling in sick (Robin), or assaulting other employees (Artie).  Now? They find the closest microphone (not Teddy) to kvetch into in an effort to sell tickets to the next “Block Party.” No thanks and please shut Ronnie up.

Reliance On Ancillary Programming. Did you hear what happened on The Wrap Up Show yesterday?  No? Don’t worry.  Howard will waste 30 minutes talking about it.  What about that great new segment of Fine Time on Howard TV?  Don’t get Howard TV? Wow, you suck, just ask Bobo.  You won’t hear Rachel’s penetrating interview with Ronnie the Limo Driver over which male staffer he would want to blow him if he was forced to get head from a guy. 

Guests?  They Have But A Few.  One of the casualties of the “reduced” schedule appears to be the show’s guest list, which is unfortunate because Howard has nailed interviews with Rachel Maddow and John Cusack within the past month.  Instead of moving the show toward a format that feels something like: A Block – AGT (more on that below); B Block – news update/fake staff fight; C Block – H101/HTV show plugging; and D Block – News, more interviews would be a major plus.

AGT.  I know, this is Howard’s life, we all tune in because he doesn’t give a fuck about what we, the listeners think, and AGT is no different than when he was (fill in the blank) – doing his movie, the Channel 9 show, moving from terrestrial to satellite radio, talking about his divorce (oops, gotcha!), blah blah blah.  But Hollywood Howie is the least interesting aspect of his persona and the slurping up to other celebrities he once flamed, shameless plugging of AGT and appearing on shows he regularly trashes (e.g., The View) has sell-out written all over it. 

Howard’s ad nauseum recitation of his AGT experience notwithstanding, it’s really of a piece to a larger whole – the elephant in the room that is his relationship with Sirius.  Obviously, we all know about his lawsuit (and recent loss) against Sirius, but what’s become much clearer in the wake of his re-signing to a “reduced” schedule is not that Howard did not want to work anymore (which he claimed was true while negotiations dragged out), but rather, that Sirius wanted him, but at a substantially reduced cost, which he agreed to while exploring other alternatives.  Howard’s contract stipulates that he provide somewhere around 110 shows a year for Sirius (the actual number was mentioned recently), which, even with 10 weeks of vacation, averages out to less than three shows a week.  In the meantime, he recouped some of the money he “lost” by signing with America’s Got Talent.  Once the show starts broadcasting next month, expect what few original radio shows Howard airs to be heavy on AGT recap.  As for those vacations he will be taking, I guess the “tapes team” will be earning their keep. Just remember kids, *this* is what the revolution looks like.

28 comments:

  1. How about Five reasons I stopped listening in 1994. I graduated.

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    1. Is that when you started listening to NPR?

      That is only one reason.

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  2. Nicely done! My five would be:

    1. AGT
    2. AGT
    3. AGT
    4. AGT
    5. Bobo

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  3. dawgsaloon.com agrees with you and invite you to post at the site.

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    1. Thanks - feel free to link to my blog from your site. Thanks for your support!

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  4. Don't forget the endless shilling of the "I don't want to be famous" Beff!

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  5. "I'll piss on my fans if I want to..."

    Works both ways Howie.

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  6. SFN Agrees with you, they invite you to Time Out for expressing your opinion :)

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    1. Haters gonna hate. No skin off my nose.

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  7. I just reduced my XM subscription. 3 days a week two weeks a month. What happened to commercial free!


    F-Howard.

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  8. butthurt listeners as usual. If u dont like it dont listen, who gives a shit who gives a fuck?

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  9. I used to love Howard, haven't heard him in years. I honestly (until recently i.e. a few hours ago) didn't realize he was still on the radio or on America Has Talent. He used to be so cool, can't believe he's reduced to judging people juggling instead of being the voice of the everyman. He was the guy that could put into words exactly what we were feeling, and what our plight was. Now apparently he's on show's like the view... embarrassing. Kind of like how Ozzy used to be cool, now he's a joke.

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  10. I just cancelled my subscription. Howard is a sellout. I hope his wife takes all his money. I hear that he uses his money to keep his kids in line. he is a no talent...he can't sing or act. He can only critique everyone...

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  11. Not a sell out. Just a sad man who has an amazing ego. As much as he wants to be counter culture he really wants to be mainstream. (and he'll keep charging the same rates for his radio program even if it's only on 2-3 days a week....)

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  12. howard stern sellout

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  13. I really consider him a true sellout, one who really went all in - and he admits it. :)

    One thing, Howard is a great interviewer.

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  14. Very good points. Howard pisses on his fans by working only 3 days a week and by not putting any resources into his programing so that he can keep all the money in his pockets. The Riley Martin Show and Geek Show is pure crap. Howard the hook nose bastard is boring and all he talks about is AGT and the Hamptons and the Hollywood parties that he attends. How much money is enough Howie. I hope that Beth takes all your money. You forgot about all your fans as soon as you got paid by Sirius. I now listen to NPR every morning. Your show declined as soon as you let Billy West and Jackie go because you wanted to keep all the money in your pocket you hooked nose Jew Bastard.

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  15. I used to be a devoted Stern listener for 25 plus years, I bought the books, movies, pay-per views, and even signed up with Sirius. I first noticed the changes in Stern when he hooked up with Beth O, he changed along with the entire show, I found myself listening to the show just to hear Artie. When the show finally decided to tell us that Artie wasn't coming back, I was through with Stern and his puppets. I can't believe how much he's become one of those sellouts he used to talk crap about, I guess in the end its all about the $$$

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  16. Beth "the gold digger" Stearn is pathetic. Once again the old adage holds true "money trumps looks and personality everyday!" I truly believe Howard is gay. He seems to know an awful lot about the culture. For heavens sake how gay are cat lovers???

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  17. This is the typical Howard Stern Show in 2014:

    1st hour: "Bobo you're on the air"

    2nd hour: Howard interviews the same celebrity we don't care about for the umpteenth time (Joan Rivers again, really?)

    3rd hour: Howard interviews another celebrity we don't care about fpr the umpteenth time (David Arquette again, really?)

    4th hour: "Anything else Robin?" Howard makes it clear that he can't wait to end the show.

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    1. These days I'm just happy when he doesn't endlessly plug the North Shore Animal League or AGT. Nothing gets me to change the channel faster.

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  18. stern is just like smiconish...phony money hungry sellouts

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  19. Howard has completely sold out. He doesn't need us anymore-we do not need him anymore. Howard was so much better on terrestrial radio. Someone should have told Howard to be nice to the people on the way up because he'll never know whom he'll meet on the way down...Oh! And Mancow is making a comeback! You've been warned!

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  20. Don't you guys understand it yet... Howard is running a very sophisticated front there....think ... why are they doing that "loyalty" test ... to answer that here's what to do listen to some of the interviews esp with those well known personalities, and also that is one of the reason why they are so deadly serious about that "loyalty test" and for those Howard fans, ask yourself for what reason why no one can get a hold of "bobo" for those who still are having doubts watch the segment about "Eric the Midget's" first appearance on Howard's studio ... the effi'n midget was terrified .... the clues are everywhere that the Howard Show is a true one of a kind operation ... Im just surprised that the man in Florida have'nt figured what's what yet...

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  21. Beth totally whipped Howard. He's a shell of a man ever since he married her.

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  23. Howard was good I grew up in jersey n he was huge in ny. Then shit went south he didnt pay the jokeman what he wanted. Took artie lange friendship and tossed it the wind when artie needed friends most. Now the shows beat 1992 was best year#!!

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