It Is Not Going To Happen

 When you are young, the possibilities of life are endless. There is open road ahead of you and it feels like anything can happen. But here is the thing. As you go through life, the decisions you make and the things that happen to you, little by little, start shrinking your world. You do not even notice it at first, but it happens. The one thing aging has made me more aware of is that "it is not going to happen." Whatever "it" is supposed to be - success, happiness, wealth, marriage, a family - none of these things is going to happen. 

At 51, on the "back nine" of life, I got what I am going to get, which is not much. My best days are behind me. I will never be too poor to pay the bills but never wealthy enough to not stress about money. I hit a ceiling at work and will never advance above it but I am too close to retirement to do anything about it. I have been divorced for 11 years and have had precisely one serious relationship (eight years ago) since then. I am not going to find *a* one, much less *the* one, and certainly won't have kids. It's depressing to imagine a future that holds such little hope or optimism, to just realize these are the cards that I have been dealt (and in fairness, have chosen, at least in part). It's a sucky hand.