December 15

I started doing this dopey daily diary thing a year ago today. I started doing it in large part because I was reading a book at the time - The Secret Diary of Hendrik Groen Age 83 1/4, a work of fiction (which I don't read much of) that tells the story of a pensioner in the Netherlands. It is a lovely little book, by turns sad and optimistic, mundane and hopeful, the meditation of a person living Jim Morrison's observation that the future is uncertain but the end is always near. 

I am not particularly happy with my results. On one level, this has been a good opportunity to vent the day-to-day frustrations and anxieties I have without the pressure of anyone reading what I am writing (most of my daily posts get 10-20 page views) but I also pull my punches a lot even though this is a completely anonymous blog. The really secret stuff, the dark stuff, is still largely unwritten. I do not know why I do this, maybe I am not willing to be that honest with myself or the few people who do read this blog, but that has been a bad job by me. I am going to keep writing, if for no other reason out of habit but also because it does give me an outlet for these petty little dramas and experiences, even if no one is reading.

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