March 30

I am reading a funny-as-all-get-out collection of essays in a book titled We Are Never Meeting In Real Life. I am definitely not the demographic for this book but I am thoroughly enjoying it.

Anyway, in one of the essays, the author, Samantha Irby, is talking about when she applied to colleges and although she had a very high SAT score (1520 on the old 1600 system) her grades were mediocre. She writes: "This is the problem with neither applying oneself nor working up to one's potential, these moments when you are reduced to a bunch of abstract letters and numbers whose unflattering reflection cannot be charmed or joked aside."

Damn. It was a sentiment expressed slightly differently many years ago by @annadrozzy who, while I was lamenting my work-related frustrations (yes, they go back a LONG time) said "it's your talent, you can choose to squander it if you want to." 

For a long time, I did focus on why I did not reach my full potential or lamented that people who I did not think were as talented as me seemed to get ahead while I was spinning in place. It has not always been true, I have had a few moments of glory in the sun, but what I have come to accept is that I got to where I am in spite of the myriad of shortcomings I have - the awful interpersonal skills,  inability to filter myself when I think someone has said (or done) something idiotic, and my total lack of respect for authority, among others - and that I should feel good about overcoming these huge, honking roadblocks instead of crying over the fact I did not become a judge.

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