May 31

There's a scene in a season six episode of Mad Men (I was too lazy to look it up) when Don is watching the news on TV and its awful and horrible and he just shuts it off and curls into a ball, basically shutting out the world. That is how the last few days have felt and believe me, I understand sitting in a nice home in the New Jersey suburbs with a work-from-home job I am in no position to complain. BUT, as every reporter has now pointed out, 2020 is a combination of the 1918 Spanish Flu, the 1929 Great Depression, and the 1968 riots all wrapped into one. It is not a great time to be an American and there is no guarantee this has a happy ending. Trump could very easily be reelected and we could be dealing with four more years of his Mad King routine. I think that is the one thing lost on us. We are Americans, we always figure it out is just the working assumption, but what if this time *is* different? What if we *do not* figure it out? What if things do get worse not better. Every Republican Administration since Reagan has left a successfully worse country behind than the one they found, but this hole is exponentially worse - the coronavirus death toll, the new multi-trillion dollar budget deficit, and of course, the continued stain of racism that (shocker) did not magically go away just because Barack Obama was elected President. Dark times, folks.

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May 30

Dan Zak wrote a good piece in The Washington Post today. The first few paragraphs sum up the idea that although the pandemic is not over, Americans are over it. It has a very last-days-of-Rome vibe to it. We are no longer a nation that sacrifices or does without. Two months of quarantine and we want to go back to our ways - the summer barbecues, the trips to the beach, bar hopping - all the banalities of modern life. I read a lot of history books. One I read recently, The Splendid and the Vile, talks about England during the Blitz, when the Nazis basically tried to bomb the country into submission. Now *that* was sacrifice, but god forbid we are denied our inalienable right to dying our hair or eating a Big Mac. It is beyond stupid. 

Of course, when its written about in the press, the failures are elided, the idea that 100,000 people died is just taken as a given, not a preventable disaster. By the same token, the trillions shoveled into the economy could have been done differently and in a way that did not spike unemployment to well past 20 percent. And, there are things that could be done *now* that mitigate damage yet untold. But we are clearly no longer a deferred gratification nation, no, we will fight for our right to party in Lake of the Ozarks because hey, why worry about the risk I might pose to others even if *I* do not get sick and die? Trump has given up (if he ever cared) and governors have decided (or realized) that at this point, the best they can do is encourage the masks and social distancing and the hand washing, test who they can, and hope for the best because people want this to be over even if it is not. This is America in 2020.

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May 29

Well, my streak of good night's sleep stopped at two. I did not sleep well last night. The house was hot (though the basement was cool) and Ghost was acting weird, I'm worried he might be sick (though you would not know it from his appetite - he is GINORMOUS). I knew I was going to turn the AC on today, which I am anxious about (again, DON'T ASK) and go to the grocery store, which is now an anxiety inducing experience. I woke up around 3:45 and tossed and turned for an hour or so. Pumpkin came down to see what was going on. Once I got out of bed and the day started (the AC is running fine) I calmed down a bit.

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May 28

A good night's sleep is one of life's underrated joys. I have had two in a row (sleeping in the nice cool basement even as the "muggies" are starting to creep into New Jersey). You just get up and feel better, better able to tackle the day, clearer in thought, more positive in mindset. I know it won't last that long, my anxiety will kick in when I start running the central air conditioning (don't ask) and there will be nights the cats (or my bladder) will wake me up, but for today (and yesterday) I feel good.

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May 27

My favorite episodes of The Office:

1. Business School

2. The Dundies

3. A Benihana Christmas

4. Dinner Party

5. Booze Cruise

6. Casino Night

7. The Merger

8. Scott’s Tots

9. Night Out

10. Product Recall

11. Diversity Day

12. Murder

13. Ben Franklin

14. Business Trip

15 (tie). Broke & The Michael Scott Paper Company

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May 26

The Amy Cooper story has me mad. I won't be able to properly articulate the many reasons I am angered that a white woman asked to leash her dog as required by law thinks it is ok to call the cops on the person who makes the request and manufacture a LIE about being threatened by him. She is getting rightly dragged on social media, but for instances like this to mean anything, there needs to be some punishment. As Walter Sobchak said in Lebowski, AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES AROUND HERE? 

Why isn't she being cited for making a false police report? Why is her employer dragging its feet on shitcanning her? These are not hard calls. True, the cops exercise discretion all the time - you were 20 miles over the speed limit and the cop writes you a ticket that you were only going 10 miles over the speed limit, or gives you a warning when you could have gotten a ticket - but what kind of message are we sending when a white woman can wield her privilege in this way. As others who have far more first hand experience than me have observed, a call like that can get the person against whom it is being made killed. A faux apology is just not enough. Decisions have consequences and the ones available against her are pretty obvious. 

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May 25

Memorial Day (or just another day in quarantine). There was an opinion piece in the New York Times today by a writer complaining about summer camps being closed. I have never read so much privileged garbage than during quarantine or parents openly writing about how annoying they find it to parent. I mean, read the room. You're an opinion writer for the most prestigious newspaper in America, do you think anyone gives two tiny shits that you can't have a maid clean your house or camp counselors to give you a reprieve? That you <gasp> have to COOK YOUR OWN MEALS. Oh, the horror!

I would like to think I have enough self-awareness to keep my privileged mouth shut right now. I get to work from home. I can afford the things I need. I have money saved if I lose my job. I can workout in my (finished) basement. Like, I've got it pretty good and sure, it would be nice to have a Five Guys burger or take a day trip to one of my favorite photography spots, but I cannot do that right now. And that is ok. Lots of people have it A LOT worse than me. 

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May 24

I struggle with whether it is better to do one BIG shop or two smaller shops. It is mostly about bulk - like, I go through A LOT of cat litter and loading up on it is a hassle under normal circumstances, but as I am trying to minimize my time in the grocery store, I really struggle with whether to do separate shops for my cats (I know, crazy cat dad) and me. Today, I opted for doing so. I loaded up on cat litter and cat food at Target. Plus, going on a weekend was good in the respect that I think it is important to get re-accustomed to public spaces with more density. I mean, I cannot live a hermit's life forever. 

So, I went to Target about 8:45 this morning. It was definitely busier than when I usually go, which is the same time, but on a weekday. Thankfully, everyone was wearing a mask and because I knew exactly where I was going and what I needed, I was in and out in less than 5 minutes. We will see how my normal shopping goes mid-week.

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May 23

I took a nap at like 8:30 this morning. Is there even a word for this? I did not sleep that well last night but I thought I had banked enough time to not fall asleep three hours after I woke up. Oh well. I was very alert for my GRIT class later this morning!

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May 22

Is it even Memorial Day weekend? The days really do just bleed into each other at this point. I did watch a decent social media meltdown. I cannot believe people do that. It is the worst combination of public performance and tantruming I can think of. Like, one, have a little self-respect and two, do you think it's going to matter? 

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