December 9

10 months until I turn 50. Ugh. It's a rainy start to the week. 10 more days of work and then I get (almost) two weeks off. 

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December 8

It was a nice, low key Sunday. I was thinking about the date I went on yesterday and she asked me what I like to do in my free time and I sort of looked at her like she had three heads. She's a graduate student (medical school and early 30s, relax) and I'm a settled professional, like I don't get free time, it's a weird thing. I don't know from being able to stroll around an art museum for hours on end or go on a weekend camping trip (not that I would ever go camping). 

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December 7

I went on a coffee date this afternoon. I am so fucking sick of going on coffee dates. It's like a job interview you can't escape while also having a room full of people staring at you. This one was fine in that the person I met was pleasant and talking to her for an hour or so was not the worst hour I have spent this week. But five minutes after we parted, I had already deleted all the information I had about her from my brain and did not even remember her name.

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December 6

A quick dispatch from my so-called dating life ... Yesterday, I made plans to meet a woman I met online at a coffee shop near my office at 10 am. At 8:45, she suddenly could not make 10, but wanted to meet at 10:30. I told her I could not meet at 10:30 (I had an 11 am meeting) but if she wanted to reschedule, that would be fine. No, she said, let's do 10. 

So I get to the shop a few minutes early, as I usually do and text her that I am there. Nothing. 10 am, nothing. I then notice her walking past the coffee shop and immediately become suspicious. 10:05, still nothing. So I take a picture of the table top and tell her I am leaving. Coincidentally, just as I get to my car, she texts back "I'm here." I got in my car and left. I have no patience for games and of course she immediately freaked out via further texts (and 3 phone calls!) that how dare I leave because she was late and on and on. I resisted the temptation to respond b/c for one, she may be mentally unstable and two, would it matter? 

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December 5

I got a nice surprise in the mail yesterday. I was expecting my utility bill to be high (maybe in the $300-$400 range) because the workers who redid my sunroom last month used a lot of electricity for their tools, but not, the bill was right in the range it should be for November, a little over $100. A small win.

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December 3

It was on this day nine years ago that my ex wife moved out. I used to blog with some seriousness about what I referred to as "emancipation day." Now, so much water is under the bridge, I do not pay it much mind. I am such a different person than I was in 2010 (in some ways better, in others, worse). I do not think about my ex wife much anymore, although when I do, I invariably get white hot with anger over any number of things she did (and did not) do, so I try to keep my thoughts about her to a minimum.

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December 1

We are supposed to get some ~ weather ~ today and tomorrow. I really do not like bad (winter) weather. I had a traumatic experience some years ago that still haunts me. To wit, on a Sunday morning when the weather forecasters missed a forecast, I went grocery shopping in what was basically an ice storm. No roads had been treated and cares were sliding all over the place. I did not even make it to the grocery store but the way New Jersey designs its stupid roads, I ended up having to drive a half mile past it to turn around and go home. My heart was racing the whole time and my hands were wrapped around the steering wheel like grim death.

I made it home ok and instead of banking that small win, I decided to put some rock salt down on the driveway and proceeded to slip and fall on it. Thankfully, I didn't land on my head (or hip) but instead, had badly bruised ribs for like three weeks. Ever since then, I get very anxious driving in such weather (it's one of the reasons I ended up buying a Subaru, hoping it would handle better in such conditions), but I am still not thrilled doing it.

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November 30

The next 48 hours (give or take) are what I hustle around so I can enjoy. The random early mornings raking leaves or grocery shopping, the back-to-back-to-back visits to the gym, the food prep that already goes well into next week. I do all of that so that for 2 days, every now and again, I do absolutely nothing. I do not leave the house. I do not have anything to do. I watch TV. I surf the Web. I take a nap. I just relax. I just try to recharge the batteries so that I can make it through 15 days of work until I get almost two weeks off. 

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November 29

I just wrapped my third workout in less than 48 hours. I went to the gym expecting a certain instructor but there was a substitute. He was ridiculous looking. Age? About 60. Rail thin, but wearing too-tight sweatpants and a silly head band that turned his quintessential Jersey Italian hair into something resembling a faux hawk. It is hard to take someone seriously when they look like this guy looked, but to his credit, he worked my ass, hard. It was a full body workout heavy on shoulders and back, using sliders, and non stop motion. I did not leave disappointed, but I am pretty sore. Now, all I have to do is go to the diner tomorrow morning and do my grocery shopping and I am "down" until Monday morning.

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November 28

Today is Thanksgiving. I am going to the gym in a little while, coming home, making some semi-homemade Kung Pao Chicken, then watching Billions Season 3. When people at work ask me what my plans are, I invariably say something along the lines of "just staying home" and I get that look of pity that annoys me. I sometimes want to lie just to shut them up, but why should I lie to make them feel more comfortable? I don't have a relationship with anyone in my family and I don't have close friends, so what? 

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